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Your Feelings Influence Your Fights

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In the last article I discussed how much of the fighting that takes place between two mates occurs due to control issues. In many cases, the situation that the couples are discussing or arguing over is only the lead to an issue over who can control who. In other cases, couples are not fighting over control but over feelings. Through communication, we constantly give signals of how we feel. Some of those signals are verbal and some are nonverbal. We communicate through our posture, facial expressions, eye contact, facial expressions, touch, and words. Through these signals we can give off … Continue reading →

Marriage Fights: Religion

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You might be surprised to see ‘religion’ on the list today. Perhaps you think that if you married your spouse in the temple, you are obviously on the same page. Sadly, this is not true. You may attend the same church but have a different idea of what it means to be a practicing Latter-day Saint. These different ideas may well lead to tension and fights. {With so many levels of possible devotion, I’m going to assume for this blog both spouses are active in the church.) As a convert, I for some reason assumed that a temple marriage was … Continue reading →

To Leave or Not to Leave

In the early years of our marriage, the threat of leaving became our default position in a distressing number of our fights. For me, the devastation of feeling totally misunderstood, my efforts unappreciated, and my actions unfairly judged left me thinking that there was only one way out, and that way was out the door. Over the years, however, I have come to understand a few things: 1) There is hardly ever just one way out; 2) If you are truly committed to the marriage, leaving is not an option; and, 3) Control is at the root of most conflict. … Continue reading →

Yikes! I’m Sniping!

Over the weekend, when Wayne and I were embroiled in our “get me to the ER/I’m not going to the ER” brew ha ha, he made this comment: “Listen, if you’re sick we’ve got to get you help. You can’t die and leave me with them.” (“Them” being our “kids” –Murphy, Mr. Meow and Tabby.) This was my reply: “I know. You don’t have the patience to care for them like they’re used to.” Yikes. Thinking back, no matter how much of a meltdown I was having at the moment, that comment was uncalled for. Wayne let that one slide, … Continue reading →

“Right Fighters”

I don’t get the chance to watch Dr. Phil very often, but a while back I happened to catch part of one of his shows. As he does so often, he was trying to help a couple understand why they fight so much. In this case it was because one of the spouses (I forget if it was the husband or wife) was what he calls a “right fighter.” What a Right Fighter Is Right fighters only care about being right. Whatever the argument is, as long as they’re right (or think they’re right), they’ll keep the argument going until … Continue reading →

Marriage Week in Review: June 23 – June 29

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The topics in marriage this week have focused on arguments, weddings, and relationship news. Beat the heat this summer, sty inside, and check out some of the articles listed below! Monday, June 23 Is Your Argument over Control? Some couples take part in arguments due to control issues. They are more interested in seeing who can control the other rather than the issue at hand. Your Feelings Influence Your Fights How sensitive we are and how we respond to certain situations all depends on the how we feel. If you are having an “off” day be sure to let your … Continue reading →

Faults You Should Not Accept

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Previously I wrote and article about how your feelings can influence your fights with your mate. I have also discussed in the past how we must learn to be ourselves in our relationship and also accept our mate for who he or she is. At times we must learn to look over our mate’s little quirks and realize that if we cannot accept and love each other for who we are then things will likely never work. In the comment section of the first article that I described, a reader questioned me about accepting verbally abusive, critical, controlling, and temperamental … Continue reading →

Do You Demand Respect? Or Tolerate Some Back Talk?

As a single parent, we are usually on our own when it comes to creating an aura of authority with our kids. One of the issues that come up for single moms, in particular, is a lack of respect and more back talk than might be permissible in a two-parent home. If we have more than one child, we are inherently out-numbered and when they hit those snarky adolescent years, it can be tough to insist upon respect all the time. Do we give in and tolerate back talk? Do we let the little stuff go and fight the bigger … Continue reading →

LDS Family Week in Review: May 20th – 26th

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We had another great week in the LDS Families blog. We took a look at our Gospel Doctrine lesson and expanded our horizons a bit. Gospel Doctrine: This week’s Sunday School lesson is entitled “Thy Faith Hath Saved Thee.” It covered a variety of ways that people expressed their faith in the Lord and were spiritually saved because of it. In Cry Day and Night, we discussed how prayer affects us. In Men Ought Always to Pray, we talked about how to pray without fainting. In They…Rebuked Him, we talked about how other people might affect our relationship with God … Continue reading →