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Keeping Your Relationship at the Center

Today I had a phone call from a good friend who is facing some good changes in her life. Her husband is feeling a little out of the loop, insecure about what this means for them and their relationship. As I talked with my friend, I remembered a time in my marriage when I went through the same thing – a change in my life’s direction, for the better, and my husband’s insecurity about the whole thing. I shared with my friend what I had learned from the experience, and how we grew together as a couple the more we … Continue reading →

Pressuring Your Spouse

Are you ever guilty of pressuring your spouse? You know the sort of thing I mean. You want to do something while your spouse had other ideas, so you resort to tears and pouting and making your spouse feel guilty – all what I would call emotional blackmail to get your own way. Or it might work this way. You continually make your spouse feel guilty by being negative about what they want to do and listing all the reasons why it’s not a good idea and won’t work. Worse still is getting the children on side and using them, … Continue reading →

Yelling at Your Spouse

Recently on one of the forums one of our members was adamant in a discussion that a wife was mothering and treating her husband like a child, with the response that he behaved like one. Others had an entirely different take on the situation and suggested the couple needed to undergo counseling for their marriage’s sake. So often when we’re out shopping or elsewhere, Mick and I hear one of a married couple yelling at the other. We regularly see celebrities in magazines and on TV involved in brawls with their spouse in public. Has this set some sort of … Continue reading →

Honor Your Spouse?

In the marriage service it says love, honor and obey or love honor and cherish depending on which version you choose to have. What exactly does it mean to honor your spouse? Let’s start by what it doesn’t mean and what it does. You can honor them or dishonor them by the way you talk to your spouse and the way you talk about them. When you whine and whine to others about your spouse and their faults is that honoring your spouse? Not in my books it isn’t. Instead, it means honoring them with your actions and your words. … Continue reading →

When Your Spouse Wants a Divorce

What do you do when your spouse wants to get a divorce but you do not? In many no fault states, you may not be able to prevent it. Furthermore, trying to live in a marriage when the other person believes that he or she is single cannot be the happiest of situations, so what can you do? While it may be difficult when your spouse comes to you and says, “I want a divorce,” try to remain calm. Sometimes the statement is made in the heat of the moment of an argument with no real intention behind it. Obviously … Continue reading →

Fighting With Your Spouse? S’okay – Happy Couples Fight, too

The holidays are a stressful time and even the happiest of couples is likely to have a disagreement or even a downright fight over something. It’s okay to spar or fight with your spouse, the happiest and healthiest of couples are not couples who never fight – they are the couples who fight in a healthy manner and don’t avoid conflict for conflicts sake. What Makes a Conflict Healthy? The words healthy and conflict seem contrary in meaning, but the truth is – conflict can help a couple’s relationship grow. The conflict we have with our environment and with others … Continue reading →

Dealing With A Difficult Ex

So many people have to deal with a difficult ex spouse. I’m sure none of us are the difficult ex spouse, no matter what he may say! Sometimes for reasons unknown to most rational people, an ex spouse will try to interfere with your new marriage, or manipulate you using your children, or personally attack you. What can you do that will not cause the problem to escalate? Due to the fact that you have children with this person, you need to tread lightly, just as what he does affects the children, how you respond affects them as well. The … Continue reading →

Words and Body Language

In marriage it’s important to watch our body language as well as our words. In a recent article a writer friend shared an example where a husband put his wife down in front of others. After being complimented by friends for the meal and commented that like her mother she was a good cook, the woman’s husband replied ‘Yes, it’s always important to take a good look at your girlfriend’s mother before proposing.’ The comment sounds relatively innocuous. It might even have been taken as a compliment, except for the body language that accompanied the comment. The rolling eyes, the … Continue reading →

The Value of Compliments

The other day we looked at the importance of complimenting your spouse. Why compliment your spouse? It lets them know they are valued and their opinions are valued. Yesterday Mick and I were talking about the greenhouse he plans to build. I asked where he was planning to build it. I knew he had his doubts about the proposed site and so I suggested two other places. The more we talked the more it became obvious to me there was was a better spot. ‘That was a really good idea of yours,’ Mick said. How did it make me feel? … Continue reading →

Anger Guidelines

Recently I wrote about letting anger out. But even when angry you need some guidelines. Stop and think first of the impact of the words and the way in which they are said. Being angry doesn’t give you the right to say what you like when you like but rather, the anger needs to be tempered with common sense, wisdom, tact and awareness that sometimes it is inappropriate to vent that anger. It might just have to wait a little till a better time, till your spouse is more receptive or you are not on your way out or off … Continue reading →