Why Risk Yourself on A Relationship?

by Heather Long | More from this Blogger

31 Jul 2007 10:25 AM

I was raised by my mother and my grandmother. My grandfather died the year before I was born and my mother was never in any long term relationships when I was growing up. I knew she dated one man heavily and they lived together for a brief period. She married briefly when I was ten, but I don't think that lasted the entirety of my fifth grade year at school. It wasn't until I was 19 that she met a man that she would then live with for the next decade and a half. They would still be together, but she disliked living in the state he retired to - and to this day they maintain a relationship - albeit long distance.

Relationships Hurt

I watched my mother in her different relationships and I used to feel badly for her. I could never imagine caring or trusting someone who could hurt you the way I saw her hurt. I couldn't see the point of a relationship. To hear my grandmother talk about my grandfather, marriage was a quick way to earning another child and a lot of grief. Her best memories of him seemed to be when they were traveling, separately. So I couldn't imagine why you'd want to risk yourself that way.

Honestly, relationships do hurt. Anything that can bring you pleasure can also bring you pain. Marriage is a relationship of intimacy. It's allowing yourself to be close to someone and allowing them to be close to you. Relationships are about individuals willingly intertwining their lives, but they should never be about abandoning their identity because when you abandon your identity for a relationship - you may very well doom yourself and your relationship.

Don't Forget Who You Are

Marriages and relationships have identities. They are usually a conglomeration of the two people involved in the relationship - but remember, what attracted you to this person, what you began to love and then fell deeply in love with is not the identity of the relationship - but rather the individual. When that individuality vanishes completely, submerged by the relationship - you may wake up and realize you don't know them anymore and they don't know you and you are now two strangers intimately intertwined.

So yes, relationships can hurt, but they can also provide you with the sweetest and most welcome respite of them all - they can provide you with a sense of home, companionship, love and acceptance. These are not qualities to be dismissed out of hand. So - maybe you will get hurt, but relationships teach and they give us hope and I think that's worth a little risk.

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Learn more about Heather Long

Heather Long is 35 years old and currently lives in Wylie, Texas. She has been a freelance writer for six years. Her husband and she met while working together at America Online over ten years ago.

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