Search Results for: blog who comes first in your marriage

Seasons of Marriage

Here in the Midwest we are experiencing some of the most beautiful, brilliant colors on the trees. Never have the reds and oranges seemed so deep. You don’t even have to take a ride in the country to experience the wonder. It is in virtually every neighborhood. It got me thinking about the changing seasons and how different each one is. It wasn’t that long ago we had our central air on because it was blazing hot outside. And before you know it, snow will be blanketing the ground. Marriages go through seasonal changes as well. Most seem to start … Continue reading →

Giving Up Your Dreams

There are so many challenges to being a single parent. One of the biggest is the loss of your dreams. When we get married we all think that this is the person we will grow old with, the person who will share all of life’s ups and downs. The person who will support us when it comes to fulfilling out dreams. It’s hard to let go of that. The thing that still makes me the saddest is knowing that I no one else feels like I do about my daughter. There is no one to share the joys of her … Continue reading →

When Marriage Is Built Upon Manipulation

Have you ever tried to manipulate circumstances in your marriage, just to get your way? While it might provide temporary pleasure, the long-term consequences of this can be devastating to a marriage. At one time or another, we have all probably tried to use manipulation on our spouse. The degree to which it was used and the outcome might vary, but for the most part these are the rare occurrences in a marriage. However, some marriages can end up being built on manipulation. If you do this, I will do that. If you give me such and such, I will … Continue reading →

Claiming Your Baggage

Do you ever feel like you have a lot of baggage? I know I do. I remember the night my ex husband and I split, thinking to myself, “You’re 21, you’re divorced, and you have a two year old. Who in their right mind is going to want to take that on?” Of course at the time I was feeling rather down on myself in light of recent events, as most of us are when we go through something like that. It tends to take a toll on our self-esteem. But there are still days even now when I have … Continue reading →

What You Shouldn’t Say to Your Husband

“Woman’s Day” recently published an article about the nine things you should never say to your husband. First on the list was lying about your experience during sexual intimacy. That is a big no-no. The second is to tell them that they are just like their father. The third is asking when they are going to find a new job. The fourth is bringing up how your mother had warned you about something your husband would do. The fifth is telling your husband that you will do it yourself, when it comes to a task or chore…in other words, acting … Continue reading →

Preparing for Marriage from Childhood

We all know couples who have gone in for counseling before they get married to help them get their marriages off on the right foot. This kind of preparation is awesome. What we might not realize, though, is that we are actually preparing for marriage from the time we’re born. When we’re toddlers and small children, we internalize how our parents treat us. As we get older, we notice how they treat each other. These examples become our first and most impacting lessons in what constitutes a home and a family. If we were raised in an unloving home, we … Continue reading →

Privacy vs. Secrecy: How to Foster Intimacy in Your Relationships

Information really is power; how, what, and when to share can have a far-reaching impact on our ability to foster intimacy in our relationships. It is almost a rite of passage, for instance, for a new couple to explore one another’s past—first loves, first kisses, and even the first big heartbreak. These conversations both require and build a significant level of trust, as they reveal how we act and react at our most vulnerable moments. So what does it mean when your partner refuses to share? It can mean many things; the problem, of course, is that we often assume … Continue reading →

Marriage Rights and the Developmentally Disabled

In a world where everyone is fighting for equal rights under the law, people with developmental disabilities are right there in the thick of it. Having finally received the rights to an equal education and able to enjoy inclusive recreation and even job opportunities, many adults with developmental disabilities are still very much like children when it comes to having complete independence. Their parents have a difficult time letting go and society has a difficult time accepting them as capable. One particular area of life that most people with developmental disabilities have been unable to participate in is the institution … Continue reading →

Trusting Your Spouse

As I mentioned before, I have a friend who’s getting married soon, and she’s been full of questions about marriage and how to make relationships work. As we’ve talked, I’ve noticed a common theme in many of my answers to her – the theme of trust. When you agree to marry someone, that is the first big step of trust you take. You’re telling them, “I trust you to be my partner and to take care of my emotional needs.” As you enter into the marriage, you’re telling them, “I trust you to be honest with me and to be … Continue reading →

Setting Up Your First Budget as a Couple

Newlyweds face many challenges as they seek to form their own family unit. They struggle to get along with in-laws, they have to put up with their spouse’s snoring and bad habits, and they must learn to think in terms of “us” instead of “me.” Perhaps one of the most difficult challenges they face is that of constructing a budget for their new household. Engaged couples do well to sit down together and look over their financial status, making important decisions for their future. Will they both continue to work, or will one stay home? Will they keep both their … Continue reading →