When to Have Children?

by Dale Harcombe | More from this Blogger

04 Aug 2009 03:41 PM

Whether we think it will happen or not, children are bound to affect a marriage. So you might be wondering when is the right time to have children or even if there is a right time? Should you wait till you are financially secure before bringing children into your marriage? Will you be prepared to exist on one income after children or will you still want to keep working after the child arrives? All of these are questions that need to be answered.

In this day and age we have a lot more choice about when, or if, we will fall pregnant than did many of our ancestors. Children and family life is one aspect that needs to be talked about seriously before you are married. Your decisions about children can depend on several things including your religious beliefs and those of your partner and your attitude to contraception.

Some people may refuse to take any precautionary measures like the pill and leave it up to God while others may consider that they are making a responsible informed decision by using contraception. People are always going to have differing views on this and one person shouldn't try and impose their views on another.

Whatever you and your partner decide, it needs to be a decision you are both comfortable with. And the truth is, it is a decision between the married couple only and God if you are believers. It doesn't concern anyone else. Of course that doesn't mean you won't have plenty of people offering advice and applying pressure. Pressure from parents who want to be grandparents is often very hard for some couples to deal with.

Plans for family should be talked over before you are married. That's not to say though that after the marriage things won't change. Sometimes despite people's best efforts to prevent it, the woman will fall pregnant. Obviously this calls for major adjustment in the plans to accommodate the unexpected.

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Other Ways Childre' Behavior Can Affect a Marriage

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Your Parents Will Affect Your Marriage

Learn more about Dale Harcombe

Dale has a passion for books and writing. She writes in various forms, from articles to poetry to fiction for children and adults.

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bookcatt (21) 06 Aug 2009 04:53 AM

before my husband and i got married i explained to him that i did not want to begin having children in my 40's. although i know 2 other women who have had children in their early 40's, they also both have had children before, so it wasn't a "new" experience. he was ok with it until after we got married. in his culture, it's a BIG DEAL to have children and it's not that i don't like kids, but i'll be a senior citizen before they graduate highschool. after several agruments, he said, "fine, we won't have kids", but i know it's only to stop the argument and out of bitterness that he says this. i seriously think that if it weren't for his parents it would not have become such a big deal. when i first met him, his parents pushed him pretty hard to get married. it was all they talked about, and everytime he went to visit them they had several girls for him to choose from to pick a wife (in his culture they arrange marriages). well, we were not arranged, but now that he is married (and his parents say they can stop worrying now...) it's all about "when are you having a baby". within the first month of our marriage his parents and 2 sisters (both married with kids) kept asking at every conversation, "are you pregant yet" talk about pressure!!! needless to say, we eneded up trying for over a year, and then found out through extensive testing that we can not have children. secretly i was relieved, but when i saw the sadness in his face, that's when i knew, it's not about me. we've decided to adopt :)

Dale Harcombe (10399) 06 Aug 2009 02:06 PM

Thanks for sharing your story Bookcatt. That's exactly the sort of pressure that families can exert. I trust you are both happy now with the decision to adopt and that it all goes well for you.