There are some things I say before having a “discussion” with my spouse that are sure to get things off on the wrong foot. Take for instance this one, “You never.” I have come a long way in not using those words. But I remember how batty they used to drive my husband. How could I possibly take one moment, one experience and turn it into “you never”? It was unfair and exaggerated. Another terrible way to start a discussion is with this: “I told you this would happen.” The words “I told you” are very demeaning. They sound like … Continue reading →

What do you do when your marriage has experienced a communication breakdown? It happens to the best of marriages, so it might be helpful to plan for these occasions ahead of time. I will admit it has been an issue in my marriage lately. When this happens it is almost always because of a stressor, particularly with our children. What we have been dealing with lately is a lot of emotional ups and downs, now that we are facing the departure of our oldest son. He will be leaving in just under three weeks for basic training in the Air … Continue reading →

Some conversations in a marriage are just plain uncomfortable. You may find yourself in a position where you need to bring up a sensitive subject or one that you know will cause emotions to stir up. There are right and wrong ways to approach a difficult topic. But what’s really important is that you don’t choose to ignore the conversation just to avoid the potential problems it could cause. First, think about what you are going to say before you say it. Don’t just blurt something out. Take time to really think about the words you are going to choose … Continue reading →

You would think after nearly 21 years of marriage, I would learn that my husband can’t read my mind. Yet how often do I expect him to? Maybe it’s just me but I tend to do this often. I might be stressed about something or rushing to get something done and think, “Doesn’t he see that I need help?” or “Doesn’t he know I need this or that?” I had one of these crazy mornings early this week where I was swamped with work but mistakenly planned to make two pans of three cheese stuffed manicotti shells. I didn’t think … Continue reading →

While there are definitely a lot of differences between my husband and I, there are also some similarities that can be viewed as good or bad. For instance, we are both very quick to jump into things. This is why we have learned (the hard way) to never, ever walk into a pet store “just to look.” At this time we have three dogs, one cat, a turtle, a bird, two bearded dragons and some fish. Need I say more? We have also owned mice and rats. But it’s not just pets that we are quick to jump into. We … Continue reading →

Last week when the temperatures here in Wisconsin hit record highs, my husband and I enjoyed taking a walk nearly every evening. One of our evening walks was filled with conversation. We were dealing with a situation with one of our teens and had to talk it out. The talking helped to get out some of the frustrations we were feeling and it also helped in coming up with some decisions on how we were going to handle things. Then the next night we took another walk but this time it was silent. We walked for a mile not saying … Continue reading →