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Is it Ever Ok to Bribe your Kids?

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How do you get your children to do what you want them to? What do you do to encourage them to do certain things and to refrain from doing other things? Many parents have, at least sometimes, resorted to bribing their children. Is that necessarily a bad thing? Is it ever ok to bribe your kids? New findings reveal some interesting answers to these questions. First, it would be helpful to figure out what a bribe is (and what it isn’t). Author Ellen Perry points out that there is a continuum to be aware of. Motivation is one one end, … Continue reading →

When You Can’t Fix It

When things go terribly wrong, young children typically take solace in their parents’ consolations.  They want to know that everything will be okay and that their setback, pain or discomfort is temporary.  However, as kids age the tide can change.  Sometimes when bad comes knocking tweens and teens don’t want to hear that all will be well, that they should “get over it,” or that so-and-so has it much worse.  Rather, they want you to agree their situation sucks and allow them to macerate in their misery for a while. Moms especially are prone to wanting to fix all the … Continue reading →

Finding Support from Your Friends

We’ve talked extensively about how important it is that we keep friends outside of our marriage.  And that doesn’t mean that we have friends who can’t also be friends with our spouses.  It just means that we look for emotional connections with more people than just our spouses.  I know it’s very true for me; my two best friends give me things my husband never could, and not just things like watching the six-hour BBC “Pride and Prejudice.” It’s a real romantic notion – both in the love and in the story sense of the word – that our spouses … Continue reading →

How Do You Define PDA?

Recently my volunteering friends and I discussed PDA (public displays of affection).  My two friends talked about their husbands’ discomfort with PDA.  Well, I could relate to that: it tends to make a lot of people uncomfortable.  But then I learned that what they meant by PDA was hand-holding, hugs, a quick kiss. My one friend said it took her husband years before he would hold her hand in public.  The other said that when she and her husband meet up somewhere, when her husband arrives all the other women in the room get a hug, or sometimes even a … Continue reading →

If You’re Grumpy and You Know It…Read a Book!

Logan has been pretty grumpy lately. I’m not really sure why, and frankly I’m not even sure if he knows why most of the time, but I’ve been a little concerned about it for a while. I noticed the change about a month or two ago and started looking for solutions to the problem. We talked about it often and most of the time I got very little response out of him. I knew something was bothering him, but he couldn’t seem to vocalize what it was. Instead he would hit, kick, scream, and throw things. I was at a … Continue reading →

Learning Marriage from Your Parents

I was raised with somewhat progressive views on marriage.  It feels strange to even be typing that, and it’s certainly nothing I ever thought growing up.  I know that on the overall spectrum of views on marriage, the ideals with which I was raised would only be in the middle, and probably closer to the conservative side of the middle.  But it’s still so surprising to me how many people aren’t even that far. I’ve already shared my story about my college roommate.   The reason she and her boyfriend didn’t talk for years about division of labor in the household, … Continue reading →

Considering Your Spouse’s Point of View

The difference between knowing and really knowing, or feeling, something is amazing. I’m the first person to tell others that a key to any relationship, but especially a marriage, is trying to think from the other person’s point of view. It’s absolutely essential in a marriage, because we are spending the rest of our lives living with this person. The more we try to understand how our spouse thinks, the better off we’ll be. I know this, and yet it’s so hard for me to act on it. For example: once in a while my husband has to work the … Continue reading →

Can You Have A Happy Halloween Without Candy? Yes!

This evening, I took the boys out for more extensive Halloween activity than we have ever done before. This was Dylan’s third Halloween. For his first Halloween, he was a little bear and we only went to the children’s costume parade downtown. Last year, we did nothing. I forget why, but we did not dress up or go anywhere. This year, we all dressed as firefighters (even the baby) and went out two times. For both outings, my goal was the same – to have fun with Dylan and Blake without the boys eating any candy. As we drove towards … Continue reading →

Would You Name Your Daughter “Halloween”?

What’s your favorite holiday? Would you be inspired enough by your enjoyment of that holiday, or the season it falls in, to name your child after it? Ancestry.com found some strange names in the census, including a woman named Halloween. This isn’t the only person with a name that fits into this holiday! There are two main things that influence a parent to choose a name for their child. One strong influence is the existence of a “family name”. Parents name their children after the child’s grandparents, or they give their baby a name that has been passed down through … Continue reading →

The Reason Your Kid is Cranky

Forget about sex or sleep; for many parents it’s more like sleep or sanity. If your kid is not getting enough sleep, your sanity suffers. According to new research, a good night’s sleep is essential to keeping children on track. That may be the understatement of the year. For decades researchers having been touting studies that show well-rested children do better on standardized tests, get better grades and are better equipped to rationalize and control impulses. However, a new study, set to be published in next month’s issue of Pediatrics, takes the theory a step further by detailing what happened … Continue reading →