What Love Is: Learning Long Marriage Secrets from Families.com Membersby Courtney Mroch | More from this Blogger 14 Apr 2008 10:30 AM Earlier this year I committed myself to making the best of Marriage in '08. I planned to do that by accentuating the positive and examining tools of the trade others used in their marriages. Especially long lasting marriages. I'm still on that mission, but I've already learned a lot. And a lot of it has been gleaned right here from other Families.com members. A Little Bit of This and a Little Bit of That The very first thing I realized was actually the last of the four rules I wrote earlier this year: One Size Doesn't Fit All. This is the one that's sticking with me most because it's the one that stands out the most. For instance, people who have long lasting marriages all seem to say about the same thing, "We don't know if there's just one thing that worked for us, but we had/shared a lot of ____." What's in the blank is always different (i.e. humor, respect, affection) but they always name something. Families.com member Jade Walker has been wonderful about bringing these kinds of stories to my attention. The one that comes to mind first and foremost is the case of the seven siblings in the Estes Family who have all celebrated their Golden Anniversaries. They all got there but each had different thoughts on how and why they made it there. And there was not just one thing they attributed their success to. (Or at least not the same thing.) The Art of Compromise and Selflessness Another one that's really made an impression on me is a response Families.com member MissyChrissy posted to my forum question: Which marriage topics would you like to see more of in 2008? Maybe what marriage really is about, the compromises you must make. Sometimes outright sacrifices, although when it's give and take it certainly doesn't feel like you've lost anything (at least, it doesn't to me). ~-Missy Chrissy-~ Again and again I've been seeing this theme too. Giving without expecting to get in return. Understanding that in so doing you actually get a vast amount more than if you did make any demands. My fellow Marriage Blogger, Lyn, also covered this in one of her recent articles: "There's No Room for Selfishness in a Relationship". There really isn't, and there definitely isn't in any of the ones that make it to year 50. Friends as Much as Lovers Unknowingly in one of her blogs ("Keeping the Happily Ever After"), Dale Harcombe, who writes in the Christian Blog, divulged another oft-repeated lasting marriage secret: enjoying each other's company. It seems such a common sense notion, doesn't it? You're chances of sticking together for the long term skyrocket when you actually enjoy the other person's company. But how many people settled for a mate because they had a plan and were on a time schedule to marry, have babies, etc.? You really can't expect to go the distance with someone you don't wholly and completely enjoy being with. And, again, as Dale alluded to in her blog, that doesn't mean being inseparable. Yes, it helps if you have some similar interests you enjoy doing together, but it helps to have your own interests too. Gives you something to talk about when you come back together. Related Articles Taking Interest in Your Mate's Hobby The Complete List of Wedding Anniversary Gifts: From Year One to One Hundred Tristi Pinkston Shares Thoughts on Juggling, Ranting and Raving, and Faith Learn more about Courtney Mroch  Courtney Mroch is a wife, a proud pet parent, and a writer. She's been with her husband, high school sweetheart Wayne Pryor, over 20 years, married 11 of those. She's "mom" to Mr. Meow, a.k. Relevantmarriage tags User Comments  Dale Harcombe |
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