What is an Affair?by Mary Ann Romans | More from this Blogger 31 Jan 2009 06:32 AM
For example, is an affair when a spouse engages in sexual intercourse with another person outside of the marriage? Sure, okay, but what about if there is no intercourse, but there is kissing? Does a quick peck on the lips count? How about a back rub? What about emotional affairs? Is it an affair if you spend every Friday night with your ex playing pool? And if both spouses agree to an open physical relationship than does anything constitute an affair? I knew one couple in an open relationship where sex with other people was accepted, but kissing another person on the lips was a betrayal. You see, it isn't as simple as it might seem. In marriage, it is important to define what an affair is. While most of us may have standard definitions, you can't ask others to define this for you. Understanding the definition of an affair to you both can help prevent marital infidelity down the road, or if it has already occurred, understanding what parts of the affair did the most damage can help heal the marriage and prevent the infidelity from happening again. Here are some basic definitions of an affair, to help aid you in your own definition as a married couple. Within these four definitions are many shades of meaning. Sexual intercourse with another person Sexual contact with another person Emotional attachment to another person. Emotional attraction to another person At the end of the day, my best definition of an affair is however the offended spouse defines it. And chances are if you feel guilty doing something with someone else who is not your spouse, then you may be having an affair. What do you think? How do you define an affair? Mary Ann Romans writes about everything related to saving money in the Frugal Blog, creating a home in the Home Blog, caring for little ones in the Baby Blog and now relationships in the Marriage Blog. You can read more of her articles by clicking here. Related Articles: Building a Hedge Around Your Marriage The Gift of Unconditional Acceptance Seek Help Early with Marriage Difficulties Learn more about Mary Ann Romans  Mary Ann Romans is a freelance writer, wife and mother of three children. She lives in Pennsylvania with her husband, the kids and a 16-pound cat. Relevantmarriage tags User Comments Samual (11722) 31 Jan 2009 06:51 AMTo me an affair is a physical or emotional attachment to another person, of course family and the emotional love you have for friends doesn't count. I myself don't count the emotional attraction to another person as the majority of people can appreciate the attractiveness of other people, whether it be a physical attractiveness or their personality, I would happily point out to Frank who I found attractive and he would do the same to me.  Mary Ann Romans (26876) 31 Jan 2009 01:45 PMSo Frank is on the same page with you as far as what the boundaries are? Samual (11722) 31 Jan 2009 02:31 PMYes, it is something where we more or less agree on the same thing, plus as we trust each other by one of us pointing out that someone is good looking, we know that is all it is and that none of us would ever think anything more of it. I guess it is similar to when men and women gush about the actors and musicians they find attractive. Mary Ann Romans (26876) 01 Feb 2009 07:46 AMIt sounds as though you are in a good place where this is concerned. So, let me ask you, what are the most likely things that you will fight or have a disagreement about and how do you handle it? Samual (11722) 01 Feb 2009 08:41 AMWe mainly disagree with things concerning the children, but normally unless Frank agrees with something that I think is wrong we head more towards Franks way as he is the one at home while I'm at work, plus they haven't turned into monsters just yet. If it is something else we tell each other what we think is the best way then try to find a compromise we are both ok with. Obviously it doesn't always go smoothly, but it is always sorted out in the end. It is something we are so much better at handling, in the past Frank would just pack me a bag and tell me to F off. AuthorPhilipKledzik (7) 21 Feb 2009 10:21 AMI agree that an affair would be physical and emotional which may or may not include conscious thought. Obviously if you are married and you have intercourse with someone not your spouse you are commiting adultery and having an affair. In the Bible Jesus says, "If a man looks at another man's wife with lust in his heart he has committed adultery." So, that would mean to say that if a husband or wife is looking at someone other than their spouse and wanting them in any sense that would be adultery and a form of an affair (emotional and mental). I also think that this can be done without consciously saying I want to have intercourse with that person. Also, I don't think a person would be holding hands or kissing someone other than their spouse without having adulterous thoughts on their mind. I am married and we have three children. There are old friends that my wife has from college and even before. When they see each other many times there might be a quick hug. That I do not concider having an affair. However, if she were to ever purposefully hide that she met with a male friend, I would be hurt and would need to confront her. Thanks for the article. Philip Kledzik "An Issue of the Heart" authorphilipkledzik.books.officelive.com Community Tags affair, an issue of the heart, cheating, infidelity, what is an affair, wandering eye Discuss this article
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