What Husbands Needby Heather Long | More from this Blogger 30 Jun 2006 05:00 AM While most marriage discussions may center around who did what wrong or who is doing what right, few seem to address what we as individuals need from each other and fewer still talk about what men need from their wives. On the other hand, I may be biased since I'm a woman and I may just not be looking in the right places. But I think as a wife, it's important to investigate what our husbands need as much as it is to look at what we need. Why? Because when our husband needs something - he usually needs it from us. Among the number one things a husband needs from his wife is respect. This may seem obvious, but too often when you say a husband needs and deserves to receive respect from his wife - too many people read that as a woman must be subservient or offer servitude to her husband. I'm sorry, not hardly. The Need For Respect From the beginnings of time, men have been looking for respect. Respect from the world around them. Respect from their elders. Respect from their friends, companions and co-workers and respect from their wives and children. It can be argued, we all seek respect - male and female alike. But, since we're talking about husbands right now - let's stick to that topic. Men are looking for respect, not to be bowed to. Though, arguably, I'm sure most men would enjoy the bowing and scraping a little just for fun. The point is far too often - we as wives will smile indulgently and refer to our husbands fondly as though he were just another one of our children. Why do we do that? Are we doing it as a product of society? What happened that made men less deserving of respect as equals? Why is it that we can respect them as an equal, but after a few years of marriage - that respect dwindles? Is it because political correctness says that a man cannot be the head of his household? That if he is acknowledged as such - then the wife is ceding her rights to him? It's possible. The Head of the Household For most married couples, there is give and take and balancing of responsibilities and obligations. Many of us lean towards doing that which we are comfortable and familiar with. For example, a wife who is good with the tax code or forms, may handle the taxes. Her husband may be much better with directions and he handles the assembly projects. (That's kind of how it works here in this house). The problem is - head of household does not mean King and Ruler of the house. It means the father figure or guide. Or in my opinion, it refers to experience and status. In our household, we are both heads of the house, we make decisions together. I defer to my husband on issues and he defers to me. In fact, it's hilarious sometimes because one or both of us will say - I really don't care but the spouse does and because the spouse cares - they have the final say on it. That's what respect is. It's not saying we bow and scrape and are defining them as the one with all the wisdom and power. We are sharing power. We are respecting the contributions, the capabilities, the opinions and the feelings of another. When a marriage lacks respect, it is usually indicative of a far deeper problem. How do you feel about respect in your marriage? Related Articles: Worrying About Your Deployed Spouse Learn more about Heather Long  Heather Long is 35 years old and currently lives in Wylie, Texas. She has been a freelance writer for six years. Her husband and she met while working together at America Online over ten years ago. Relevantmarriage tags User Comments No comments on this article yet. Be the first to comment! Community Tags husbands, marriage, Respect, relationship dynamics, understanding Discuss this article
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