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The Difference Between Friendship and Marriage

Sometimes I wonder what the difference is between friendship and marriage.  Not casual friendship, or even good friendship, but really-close, best-friends, rely-on-each-other-for-everything friendship.  If we look to the media for answers, it seems to imply that the only difference is physical desire.  In movies and television, the only or at least primary distinguishable change in the relationship between two characters that are best friends, and then become something more, is that their relationship adds a sexual element. Those are usually my favorite types of stories (as opposed to ones where the characters aren’t friends but jump right to dating), only … Continue reading →

Commonsense Ways to a Happier Marriage

You will often hear about “secrets” to a happy marriage.  Personally, I don’t believe there is anything secret about having a happy marriage. Most of what it takes is well known.  In other words, we know what to do to have a happier marriage.  The key is choosing to do those things. So instead, let’s look at some old-fashioned commonsense ways to keep the marriage happy.  We start with the understanding that your spouse will never be perfect. Now most of us probably don’t really think that our spouse should be perfect.  Yet we place expectations that are oftentimes unrealistic.  … Continue reading →

Learning Marriage from Your Parents

I was raised with somewhat progressive views on marriage.  It feels strange to even be typing that, and it’s certainly nothing I ever thought growing up.  I know that on the overall spectrum of views on marriage, the ideals with which I was raised would only be in the middle, and probably closer to the conservative side of the middle.  But it’s still so surprising to me how many people aren’t even that far. I’ve already shared my story about my college roommate.   The reason she and her boyfriend didn’t talk for years about division of labor in the household, … Continue reading →

Marriage Is a Gem

If you could describe the whole of marriage, how would you do that?  I think I would describe it as a gem, one that is meant to be polished and taken care of. But I would also describe it as having imperfections.  Nothing in this world is really perfect, is it?  You look close enough; you can usually find a flaw.  The same is true in marriage. Yet when you take a step back, looking past the imperfections and flaws, you see nothing but a beautiful treasure.  Women oftentimes will hold their hand at a distance, as they admire the … Continue reading →

Four Terrifying Marriage Proposals

While surfing on the Internet I found a list of the “scariest marriage proposals” compiled by MSN. Given that this was just before Halloween, I thought they would have a spooky vibe. Well, I was wrong, though they were certainly scary. The four real-life marriage proposals were as follows: 1) A pilot took his girlfriend up for a ride in his small plane, pretended they were crashing, and handed his girlfriend an emergency checklist. His proposal was written on the list: “initiate ring engagement procedure.” 2) A stuntman faked a car crash and his subsequent death. His girlfriend was called … Continue reading →

Does Marriage Really Change?

It wasn’t that long ago I was having a conversation with a woman who has been married for less than a year. We got on the topic of how marriage changes, something she didn’t quite believe. I remember being there. You think it will always be full of passion and you will always put each other’s needs first. Everything your spouse does is cute. Well here is the reality. It won’t always be full of passion because sometimes you will be exhausted at the end of a long day. You won’t always put your spouse’s needs first, especially when the … Continue reading →

How Does Having Children Affect Friendships?

Sometimes, I worry about what having kids will do to my already nonexistent social life. I’m not whining about not being able to go out and have fun anymore. That’s just not my thing. I’m a stay-in, watch-movies, read-books, play-video-games kind-of-person. My closest friends are those who like to do the same thing. What I’m worried about is growing further apart from the friends that I do have. A lot has already been written about how important it is to preserve one’s friendships outside of our marriage. We may have (hopefully) married our best friend, or at least one of … Continue reading →

Does Your Spouse Get Your Time?

One of the things couples fail to realize is that many marriage problems stem from a lack of time. You see, it takes quality time to nurture a relationship. If you are spending more time at your job or with your kids, then your marriage is bound to suffer. Now don’t get me wrong, different seasons in life require more attention than others. For instance, when my children were young they naturally required more of my time and attention. But even then, it didn’t necessarily mean my husband only deserved the leftovers. Time can’t always be measured in quantity. It … Continue reading →

What Makes a Marriage Work?

With so many marriages ending in divorce, it can leave you to wonder, “What makes a marriage work?” Now I am by no means an expert but I will very soon be celebrating 21 years of marriage, so hopefully I can provide at least some encouragement. Let me start off by saying this. I will never tell someone, “I have been happily married for 20 years.” That would be a lie. While there definitely has been more happiness than not, mixed in have been times where I wondered if we would make it. To pretend otherwise doesn’t really do any … Continue reading →

Friendship: the Foundation of Marriage

Last week my husband and I made cookies for breakfast. It is supposed to be healthier to eat a batch of cookies, or really any dessert, early in the morning rather than later at night. This way we have more time to burn off those extra calories. That’s not why we made them, though. We made them because the night before I’d experimented with making Pasta Puttanesca (not bad, though I think in the future I’d just swap the anchovies for tuna), and its smell still hung around the kitchen. I figured the best way to get rid of it … Continue reading →