What Do Men and Women Look for in an Affair?by Mary Ann Romans | More from this Blogger 10 Mar 2009 06:14 AM
Affairs can be complicated things, so I don't want to suggest that things are black and white or that any of these reasons justify having an affair. But numerous studies have suggested that men and women generally are looking for different things, depending on gender, when they are ready to become involved in an affair. I don't claim to be an expert on this topic, so I thought I would read up a bit on it and see what others have to say. Take a look at this post below and tell me what your thoughts are on the subject. Many people may claim that they when they begin an affair, they are looking for the actual physical sensation of the sexual act itself, if they feel that they are not getting it at home or getting it to their satisfaction. Why this may be true to a certain extent, most experts say that this is one of the lesser reasons for having an affair. Men tend to claim this more as a motivation for an affair than do women. An article published by Focus on the Family, a Christian-oriented publisher, claims that men can seek affairs because they want to be respected. I don't know if it is true, but I do know that respect can equal power in our society, and both can contribute to better self esteem. The article goes on to claim that women seek an affair because they want to be loved. Being loved and wanted by another human being is a basic need that we all share from the time that we are born. When we feel loved and wanted then our self-esteem is given a boost. If respect and love are lacking in a marriage, it makes sense that a spouse might seek it elsewhere. Certainly marriage surveys have implied that women tend to have more emotional affairs that then culminate in physical affairs, while men tend to have more physical affairs that may then grow to include and emotional attachment. What do you think? Mary Ann Romans writes about everything related to saving money in the Frugal Blog, creating a home in the Home Blog, caring for little ones in the Baby Blog and now relationships in the Marriage Blog. You can read more of her articles by clicking here. Related Articles: Building a Hedge Around Your Marriage Doing Something Novel Can Boost Your Sex Life Learn more about Mary Ann Romans  Mary Ann Romans is a freelance writer, wife and mother of three children. She lives in Pennsylvania with her husband, the kids and a 16-pound cat. Relevantmarriage tags User Comments EvaRose (260) 01 Jun 2009 07:09 AMI think it comes down to focusing on the needs of your partner, verses focusing on what you may think is lacking. The key to fulfillment and happiness is service. exnavymid (5) 10 Nov 2009 07:47 AMI agree with EVAROSE. I was in a loveless marriage for 14 years because the person I was married to had Narcissistic Personality Disorder (which was the original reason I found this site). Understanding that disorder and how people with it are incapable of love has helped explain to myself why I cheated so often. It was to fill a complete void created by a person who usually only slept with me for manipulation purposes. I have been in a very healthy relationship now for the last year and WOW.... I have never been happier. My girlfriend and I put each other first. It is the opposite of my marriage. My advice, after what I went through - is to be selfless in marriage, but not at the sake of only meeting your partners needs. If your partner demands everything while giving nothing, you may be dealing with a character disordered person who does not believe in marriage - but does believe in manipulation. You are in for a life of unhappiness and infidelity may be the only way to get by if you cannot handle divorce. Community Tags affair, infidelity, marriage, sex Discuss this article
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