What are Open Marriages?

by Gillian Markson | More from this Blogger

17 Jul 2006 07:00 PM

The term open marriage became popular in the early seventies, when rather than divorcing, couples chose to experiment by staying together yet dating other people. There was a huge controversy around the concept, and now open marriages have for the most part gone underground, like polygamy, polyamorous and other misunderstood unions. An open marriage does not mean that the couple has separate families, it is a term which describes a marriage where even though the couple may be happy in other areas-or on the brink of divorce, as previously stated-they choose to stay together but engage in sex with people outside of their marriage. Some open marriages do this by agreeing to "swap partners" with other married couples and agree that this is the best way to have open marriage sex, because both couples have already agreed to the relationship and there is less chance of jealousy or leaving your spouse for the other person's partner. Sound complicated? It's not.

Couples go online or check out the local adult book stores to find open marriage clubs in their area. These used to be known as "wife swapping clubs" but that term went out years ago when they realized it was demeaning and gave the wrong impression of how they felt about women. Once a connection is made, the couples agree to meet and get to know each other. This is typically done publicly, as in going out for dinner, or in exclusive clubs where sexually free couples can meet each other and feel safe around other couples. There is usually music and a stage show, a light snack buffet, and a host who oversees the proceedings and acts as bouncer in case someone gets in who is either not a member or is acting foolish. There are membership dues monthly or yearly for these clubs, and confidentiality is paramount.

Couples with open marriages agree on a few rules. Usually these are along the lines of not moving in with or spending an extraordinary amount of time with the person whom you are not married to. This would ride the line of polygamy rather than open marriage. Open marriages are about sexual release and experiment, and nothing else. They do not attend each other's little league games or barbecues. Other rules include only going out once or twice a week, some only once a month. Both parties have to be in total agreement that this is how they want their marriage to be; otherwise the idea simply will not work. Asking your partner for an open marriage and not respecting their wishes is called cheating-nothing like a true open marriage.

The most asked question about open marriages is about jealousy. How do these couples deal with that?

Not very well, according to statistics. There is a very high divorce rate among open marriages and the pain and mistrust is just not worth it.

This is an extremely touchy subject for most married couples, and if you know in your heart that your spouse wouldn't have anything to do with open marriage, you need to be honest about discussing it, and not surprised when they don't want to have any part of it.

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Julie Gentry (5915) 12 Nov 2006 01:51 AM

Sounds like a recipe for the destruction of a society :-(.

Sherry Holetzky (11404) 12 Nov 2006 01:22 PM

An open "marriage" is not a marriage at all.

Lessly (57396) 15 Nov 2006 08:04 AM

I agree. Everyone should take their marriage vows seriously. If you are not willing to then "get a divorce". I really feel for the children of these so called marriages.

thunderslow (5) 02 Nov 2007 07:46 PM

That information has a lot missing in it. Divorce rate is 90% and a studdy was done and found open marriage is 4% you need to get some facts right. I have studdied this for 5 years. Yes jealousy is one of the main reasons why a open marriage does not work for some. To much ego going on. OW my what if hes better than I am type thoughts. When you get married you think you own your partner and that leads to ego and jealousy. As for the children boy are you lost. Children that are in a Divorce have COMITED CUASIDE or do other destructive things. When in a Open Marriage the children see there mom or dades friend as just that a friend. When you say stuff like "I really feel for the Children" your saying that they need to know what there parents are doing sexualy and the last time I checked in a normal Marriage they know as much as they do in a open Marriage. Your just reading into your own serious ideals.

If you want to talk about the Marriage vows. Sorry but marriage was created to feeling of home a safe place for the wife back in the days. Now its still viewed as home a safe place but for family. Open Marriage is an old , tested and tried concept that has been around before the birth of crist. The bible speeks of this and its intresting that Abraham and 2 wives david had 8 wives and soloman had 700 wives and 300 concubines. I would say that a open marriage is clear in the bible to aid a marriage after all if you had a few concubines you need not bother the wife for the times she is not intrested. Bible has spoken a wife is the alpha female and out ranke the other partner that your man is intrested in. This also is viewed for the wife to seek other men for her side intrestes. However Polygamy is not the game as a open marriage. open marriage is for each party to be permited to play with others with out the jealousy. Hes your man and she is your baby but play time is open to whem you feel the need to play with. You can play with her or with another or both but up to the ones in the open marriage and the people you bring in need to be aware your partner is still the alpha of your heart.

When you see how people repress there feeling that is the standard and get a divorce that is also a aproved solution and with children it can get to be a ugly mess you have to look outside the norm. Whats funny is cheating is also aproved by all as a option. Monogamy is a myth. Sounds good but when you actualy try it after a year to 5 years things change and if you are both not changing together then things can get ugly.