Search Results for: blog wedding rings and gender pt 1

The Sweet (and Not So Sweet) Origins of the Honeymoon

There’s one wedding tradition that doesn’t seem like it should need much explanation: the honeymoon.  Unlike some of our other wedding traditions, which seem to happen because it feels like that’s the way it’s always been, the purpose of the honeymoon appears to make sense.  It gives the new couple some time alone together, away from the world.  That, more so than a wedding ceremony itself, seems like the perfect celebration of the start of a marriage. But just like the wedding dress, despite the fact that there seems to be an obvious explanation for the honeymoon, its origins are … Continue reading →

Learning Marriage from Your Parents

I was raised with somewhat progressive views on marriage.  It feels strange to even be typing that, and it’s certainly nothing I ever thought growing up.  I know that on the overall spectrum of views on marriage, the ideals with which I was raised would only be in the middle, and probably closer to the conservative side of the middle.  But it’s still so surprising to me how many people aren’t even that far. I’ve already shared my story about my college roommate.   The reason she and her boyfriend didn’t talk for years about division of labor in the household, … Continue reading →

Tossing the Bouquet and Garter

One wedding tradition I didn’t follow at my own reception was the tossing of the bouquet and garter. I didn’t like the idea that it symbolized women scrabbling to be the next to get married, or having Jon remove an article of my clothing in front of everyone. If we look at the origins of this particular wedding tradition, we can see how it evolved. Traditionally, brides carried a bouquet that contained strong-smelling herbs and spices. This was, in part, another way of warding off evil spirits, but it could also serve to sweeten the proceedings if any of the … Continue reading →

The Harmful “Him” vs. “Her”

I know that men and women think differently. My first impulse is to examine how much of that is natural and how much is a result of cultural conditioning, but that’s a study for another time, and really another blog. What I want to focus on today is the sort of “us” vs. “them” mentality that arises sometimes, and how that might affect marriages. I had to read “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus” for a high school health class. I found it abhorrent, and said as much in my paper on the book. I understand as much … Continue reading →

Sleeping in Separate Beds: You’re Not Alone

Our culture believes that couples who sleep in separate beds are either experiencing or inviting problems in their marriage. Because I’m a light sleeper, I’m a firm believer that couples should be free to sleep separately if necessary. Jon and I almost always sleep together, but if one of us is restless we move to another bed, to keep that person from being woken up. I know that sleeping in the same bed improves intimacy. Once kids are part of the equation alone time between couples is scarce, and time in bed together, even if it’s just the process of … Continue reading →

How Does Having Children Affect Friendships?

Sometimes, I worry about what having kids will do to my already nonexistent social life. I’m not whining about not being able to go out and have fun anymore. That’s just not my thing. I’m a stay-in, watch-movies, read-books, play-video-games kind-of-person. My closest friends are those who like to do the same thing. What I’m worried about is growing further apart from the friends that I do have. A lot has already been written about how important it is to preserve one’s friendships outside of our marriage. We may have (hopefully) married our best friend, or at least one of … Continue reading →

Wedding Rings and Gender Roles, Pt. 2

Last time I examined the discussion over whether or not men should have to wear wedding rings. Just about all of the arguments either for or against skipped one relevant consideration: whether or not women should have to or even enjoy wearing them. Only one article I found briefly acknowledged the idea: the author said that neither of her parents has worn a wedding ring for decades, for a variety of reasons. That’s all we’ve got: in the wedding rings debate we have in-depth considerations of male class traditions, shifting perspectives of masculinity, and a man’s role in a marriage, … Continue reading →

Wedding Rings and Gender Roles, Pt. 1

The practice of wearing wedding rings has roots in ancient Egypt. The Egyptians might have believed that circles represent eternity, fitting for a marriage vow. Wearing the rings on our left hand dates to the Roman era: Romans apparently believed that the fourth finger on our left hands had a vein that went directly to the heart. While women have worn wedding (and engagement) rings for centuries, the practice of men donning the former only dates to the 20th century. Some sources speculate that it had to do with World War II: men started wearing the rings while deployed, as … Continue reading →

Unpleasant Wedding Humor

I love injecting humor into weddings. The occasion can sometimes be taken too seriously, either made especially solemn or fraught with the nerves of invested parties that want everything to be perfect. So I’m all about taking things a little more lightly; my imagined and actual wedding invitations are proof of that. What I can’t get behind, however, is a certain brand of humor I often see or hear about at weddings or in the course of wedding planning. I hesitate to call it chauvinist or sexist but that’s ultimately what it is, or at least it springs from the … Continue reading →