Today's "Why I Got Married, Why I Stayed Single" Seriesby Courtney Mroch | More from this Blogger 25 Sep 2008 08:28 AM
Why Get Married? I've often wondered this. I know why little girls get married. Part of it has to do with the Cinderella effect. Marriage is glamorized early on in a little girl's life. But why do men marry? This has never made sense to me. Maybe it's because of something Tristi pointed out in a comment on another blog: how the media belittles men. Tristi said she's noticed it recently in respect to the media portraying men as idiots. But if I think on it, I believe I've been influenced to see men as philanderers at heart ready to spring at the first skirt that sashays by. With so many women to chase, why would they bother limiting themselves to just one? That's how I used to think. Thankfully I've come to realize most men are more complex than this. They do actually have emotions, feel love, and want to be wanted. And that's what one of the doctors in the segment said. (Sadly I didn't catch his name). We have a drive to be attached to somebody. So we marry. But it's different for men than women. Judith Sills, a clinical psychologist that weighed in on all this, said men marry once they get bored of the single scene. Women get married when they've found their guy. "But in the end we get married because we want to be attached," Dr. Sills agreed. Why Stay Married? That was the next question. My initial response was: Why not stay married? Why get divorced? But, people do get divorced, because as that one doctor whose name I didn't catch said, "We have illusions about life...life is hard." Some people forget that love won't always be perfect. Just because you're married doesn't mean you're suddenly immune from hard times, serious illnesses, or other traumas. As one of the wives of one of the couples interviewed said, "Love isn't enough. Love fluctuates. You get angry at the other person. But underlying respect is what gets you through." Then her husband made a wonderful analogy: "Just like any house, you build a foundation, and you're not sure what kind of a structure is going on top of that foundation, but as it develops you make changes in it, and modify it, and you like it better." That's just it. Rule number 3. Expect change. Embrace change. Especially if something's not working. It doesn't have to stay bad. You can make it better. (Keeping in mind you can't change the other person. But you can change your responses, outlook, and behaviors, which can in turn influence their actions.) That's how to stay married. But people stay married because they enjoy the companionship and the foundation they've built with their spouse. They like the views from those windows. Statistics The following were statistics they included in the segment: 1. 73% say companionship is reason they've stayed married. 2. Average age of first marriage: For Men 26.9; for women 25.3. 3. 56% say they would marry same person again. 4. Only 5% of couples reach their 50th anniversary. 5. 44% of women have contemplated leaving their husbands. 6. 31% of men have thought of leaving their wives. Related Articles Photo credit: Learn more about Courtney Mroch  Courtney Mroch is a wife, a proud pet parent, and a writer. She's been with her husband, high school sweetheart Wayne Pryor, over 20 years, married 11 of those. She's "mom" to Mr. Meow, a.k. Relevantmarriage tags User Comments Christian (50) 25 Sep 2008 09:08 AMThese statistics pique my curiosity: 5. 44% of women have contemplated leaving their husbands. 6. 31% of men have thought of leaving their wives. Approaching half of all women contemplate leaving their husbands?! Less than a third of men contemplate leaving their wives? Is this because men are more likely to seek out what is lacking in the marriage elsewhere, i.e. stepping out? Do women feel the only way out of a bad situation is to quit? These questions have somewhat of a negative connotation, but those numbers shock me.  Courtney Mroch (9169) 25 Sep 2008 01:44 PMYou know, I was shocked by those numbers too, Christian. And you bring up a good point. Is that why men are more inclined to cheat than women? (Not that women don't cheat. Just their numbers aren't as high as men.) Maybe women don't want the hassle of an affair. better to just get out. Are men more lazy about it and stay in but have fun on the side? Inquiring minds want to know! It is very interesting. Maybe I'll be able to turn up some research to explain these numbers and write about it.  Dale Harcombe (10321) 25 Sep 2008 02:15 PMWhy we got married- Mick and I because we fell in love, wanted to be together always and spend time together. We still do, which is why I love him being retired. We get more time together. We'd both marry the same person again, yes we've talked about it. Are looking toward our 50th anniversary in the future,God willing, and niether of us have never contemplated leaving the other. We're still together because he is the only one I would want to live my life with and vice versa. We are each other's love and best friend, it's that simple. Can't imagine life any other way. The stats surprised me though. Maybe people don't think through the whole marriage bit before they do it carefully enough., Courtney Mroch (9169) 25 Sep 2008 02:27 PMI love when you share your thoughts, Dale. It's always such an inspiration how you and Mick are. A true love story! I think you might be on to something. I don't think people go into marriage thinking about it. Or maybe some think too much and that's the trouble. But the people who do stay together, like yourself and Mick, for the long haul are shining examples for the rest of us!  Jade Walker (964) 25 Sep 2008 06:41 PMYou can love someone and spend the rest of your lives together -- all without marriage. So why take the vows? Courtney Mroch (9169) 26 Sep 2008 06:02 AMWasn't it Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russel who were together for 20 years or something and never married? (I'm sure there are others who do it too. They were just the most famous example that came to mind.) I can understand why some people opt not to marry. Heck, my dad and his girlfriend have basically been living together as an un-married married couple for years. And another friend of mine has a dad and girlfriend who've done the same. (Except in the latter case she considers herself common-law married, whereas my dad and his girlfriend don't. They have their own bedrooms and basically just share life under the same roof.) Sometime I think I could do that if I had to do it all over again, but then I know I'm a traditionalist at heart. I always wanted to be married. But it is nice we now live in times where if you don't want to get married but do want to be with someone forever you can live together forever and always and not have to worry about marrying! Courtney Mroch (9169) 26 Sep 2008 10:52 AMExcellent question, Tristi. I hadn't even realized I'd phrased it that way. I'm not sure why I put it like that. I think that's the impression I get from people who don't want to marry. That it's a bother. Weird. I never picked up on that, though, until you pointed it out.  Valorie Delp (49340) 26 Sep 2008 12:46 PMThe vows publicly declare your love and committment to the other person. . .your intention to enter the covenant of marriage. Like Dale (not surprisingly ;-)) I too see it as a sacred thing before God.  Kara (21275) 27 Sep 2008 08:49 PMI don't think I would have taken it as seriously if we had not gotten married....and he probably would have left me long ago! Being married makes us put more effort into it. We want to be together and love eachother but sometimes we're both poop faces and gotta stick it out through those moments. I doubt he would cheat...I don't know if he has thought about it but I am sure he's contemplated leaving when I was reallly moody but we made it through that somehow. I have thought about leaving...but I take our relationship very seriously and the vows we took mean something. I never stopped loving him and hope I never do. Samual (11722) 28 Sep 2008 04:20 AM4. Only 5% of couples reach their 50th anniversary Who gets married that early/lives that long to reach that anniversary, unless we all start getting married at 16, that is always going to be the case. We got married because we wanted another child and so that we all had the same last name. Yeah, we weren't bored of the single scene at all. Courtney Mroch (9169) 28 Sep 2008 07:36 AMKara, you raise an EXCELLENT point: getting married does help you take it more seriously. Your comment was great. Very real and honest. Thanks for sharing. And, Samual, my husband said the same thing...in a slightly different way. "50 years is a long time." You almost have to get married at 18 or 20 in order to have a chance to make it there. We got married when I was 25 and he was 28. I'm hoping we both make it to our 75 and 78 birthdays, because then our 50th anniversary wil be right then too. (Everything's in the same month. Bdays and anniversary.) I just hope we both have our faculties and remember it all!!! Valorie Delp (49340) 28 Sep 2008 05:36 PMI too was thinking the same thing. We got married at 21 so we could in theory see a 50th and even 60th anniversary. I'm thinking that if we make it to 75th anniversary. . .we may not remember any of it. ;-) Community Tags commitment, getting married, love, lasting marriage, marriage, staying married, Today Discuss this article
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I caught an interesting segment on Today this morning. They're examining why people get married or decide to stay single. This morning they started with why people get married.
