Today's "Why I Got Married, Why I Stay Single" Series - The Single Side of Thingsby Courtney Mroch | More from this Blogger 26 Sep 2008 10:43 AM
They interviewed single women for the introduction, but then they had Dr. Judith Sills, the clinical psychologist they had on yesterday's show, as well as Amy Cohen, author of The Late Bloomer's Revolution, on to talk with. Too Young to Be an Expert I immediately discounted Ms. Cohen. At first. I couldn't understand how she could claim being an expert on being single and deciding to stay such when she didn't look like she was even out of her 20s. Shoot, she had plenty of time to meet someone and decide she wanted to marry. But then she made some remark about, "When I was in my 30s..." I was flabbergasted. That lady's in her 40s? She sure didn't look like it. Single by Choice or Circumstance? The one thing I noticed about the women interviewed who chose to stay single was they never made relationships a priority. Work and travel were the two things most commonly named that they'd concentrated on doing in their 20s, and even into their 30s. Then there they were still single in their 40s and they played it off as if they just looked around, shrugged their shoulders, and said, "Oh well. Guess it's not so bad being single. I'll stay this way." I have a feeling if Mr. Right came along they'd be singing a different tune. Too Picky? I say they played it off because most mentioned that they might have married but they'd never met "the one". Dr. Sills said it's more likely that they've been too picky. They find reasons not to be in a relationship rather than finding reasons to get, or stay, in one. Also, she said something about single women often come off as too defensive. That reminded me of an article Jade once sent me about a woman who was in a relationship but who planned to never marry. The lady in that article came across as defensive as most of the single women on Today's show. Why can't we just make our choices and be fine with them? Like these single women. They've made their choices. Overall they seem fine with it, but... I sort of got the feeling deep down they're really not. They're just finding ways to justify why they're still single, and, since they can't change it, they have to deal with it. But that's a blog for another day. Learn more about Courtney Mroch  Courtney Mroch is a wife, a proud pet parent, and a writer. She's been with her husband, high school sweetheart Wayne Pryor, over 20 years, married 11 of those. She's "mom" to Mr. Meow, a.k. Relevantmarriage tags User Comments  Jade Walker (964) 27 Sep 2008 03:44 AMIf these women were behaving defensively about their relationship status, it was no doubt in reaction to decades of having to explain themselves to their families and friends. Remaining single, by choice or by circumstance, is not entirely accepted in this country. And opting out of the whole "marriage and/or kids" world often makes one a social outcast. Suppose these women had found their perfect mates, there's no telling whether they would have married them. Some believe in the tradition of marriage; others simply see it as a "piece of paper." And if the love of their life happened to be another woman, most states in America wouldn't even allow a marriage to take place. I loved being single. I rarely felt lonely because, like these women, my life was fulfilled by work, travel, friends and personal interests rather than by a man. I also love being with my beau; he's an amazing person and his presence is my life makes me happy as well. People simply need to find an arrangement that works for them -- rather than what society or religious organizations dictate to be the only way. I could never be a stay-at-home wife or a stay-at-home mother. But I can't imagine telling women who make these choices that they'd "be so much happier if..." In the same vein, some folks decide to get married; others don't. I've known couples who've stayed together for decades and their relationship is no less worthy or strong simply because they didn't exchange vows in front of a justice of the peace or a pastor.  Courtney Mroch (9169) 27 Sep 2008 02:04 PMYou know, after writing this I finally had a chance to watch the Sex in the City movie. The character Carrie is a single woman much like the ones I might have unintentionally landblasted. And then she gets engaged. Samantha said something about "Now I have to move you from my never getting married file" and also something about "she's looking quite at home for someone who thought she didn't have the bride gene." Maybe that's what I'm missing. I've always had the "bride gene." But I did not get the "I want a baby gene." Maybe there is such a thing as a "bride gene" and maybe not everyone gets it. And you just may be right, Jade. Maybe the defensive comes from having to defend their choices for so many years. That would get old, I have to admit. Community Tags getting married, staying single, singles, Today Discuss this article
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