Tips for Dealing with Stepfamily Holiday Stress IIby Sherry Holetzky | More from this Blogger 16 Nov 2006 06:43 AM Here are some more tips that I hope will prove helpful: Talk to Your Kids It's important to make sure that your kids don't feel like they are taking sides, and that they know you will not be angry with them. Ask them how they would like to spend the holidays, and then work to make that happen. This can be a very tough thing to do, especially if your kids decide they'd like to spend the big day with Mom (or Dad) or their other grandparents and spend time with you and your family before or after. However, if you can accept it, it may actually relieve some pressure between all the parties involved and then you can focus on enjoying your children when they are with you. Yours, Mine, and Ours If your spouse also has children and/or the two of you have children together, things can really get complicated. Tossing another ex and another set of grandparents into the equation can make things crazy. One idea is to have a less formal celebration where everyone involved gets together with all the kids, if possible. You might just find that it's easier to get along with the addition of other people. Your spouse's ex may get along great with your ex-in-laws and become a buffer. Who knows? It's worth a try. It's also important to keep all the children in mind, so none feel less important than the other kids, so make sure each child is given a chance to be heard. Tailor Your Expectations People in all types of families tend to have big expectations for the holidays. It is important to be realistic and to plan accordingly. If this is not your year to have your kids during the big event, there's no reason why your celebration can't be just as great. The date is not really what's important. It's the quality of the time you spend together. Try to adjust and to avoid letting the dates interfere with creating wonderful and memorable holiday celebrations with your kids. Best wishes for you and yours throughout the holiday season! Related: Tips for Dealing with Stepfamily Holiday Stress I Learn more about Sherry Holetzky  Sherry Holetzky is a work at home mom and freelance writer. Married to her best friend, Sherry and her husband are raising their family in a quiet rural setting in the beautiful Ozark Mountains. Relevantmarriage tags User Comments apiemapie (5) 22 Nov 2006 08:43 AMHi there... I am new to this site, and am learning what I am doing here. I have a blended family, 3 of his, one of mine, one together. I did just the opposite this holiday, I tried to get my stepchildren to go to their mothers, and they won't. She is the "Disneyland" parent, only seeing them when she wants, giving them money, and sending them home. It has been this way for years, and as the kids get older, it's getting more difficult instead of easier. I was living for the time I would not have to deal with the mess, and instead it's gotten worse. Now, they want me to be the one to take care of things, but get absolutely nothing in return. I just don't think I can get thru another holiday being this resentful. Sherry Holetzky (11404) 24 Nov 2006 05:08 PMI'm so sorry to hear this. It is very hard. It's a shame that some parents cannot put their children first. I'll try to offer more on this topic soon. Take care of yourself. Sherry Holetzky (11404) 25 Nov 2006 01:22 PMBy the way, I meant to welcome you to the site, Apiemapie. I was just so moved by your pain that I responded to that and forgot to add the welcome. Also, I've added three articles on this topic that I hope will prove helpful. They will post on 11/27. I wish you well. Community Tags holidays, holiday stress, stepfamilies, step parents, Tips Discuss this article
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