The Silent Treatmentby Heather Long | More from this Blogger 18 Apr 2006 07:45 AM Have you ever been on the receiving end of the silent treatment? Have you ever given someone else the silent treatment? Around here, my husband says that you can always tell when I am really angry - because I don't say anything at all. In fact, he says that my silent treatment is the worst thing that I can do. He'll know something is wrong, but he has no idea how to approach me when I am that mad. I never realized that I used the silent treatment in that method. I've tried to think of the different reasons that it has come up, but more often than not - he has to point out that I am doing it before I realize what I've started. The silent treatment usually begins over something inconsequential and stupid. When I feel that way, I just want him to go away. I don't want to deal with him. I know that part of that is because I am so angry, I feel like I will say something unforgivable - so instead of trying to talk to him about my feelings - I say nothing at all. I know better than to do this. Realistically speaking, I'm an adult. I'm well educated. I have an understanding of psychology. I know how to use I language. I know how to avoid many of the pitfalls that happen during arguments. I'm even pretty good about staying on target instead of dredging up a million incidents in the past. So if I know all of this, why do I end up giving him the silent treatment? Why does he do it to me? Why do we both know it's wrong? The problem, of course, is that while we know our behavior is wrong, we both believe we are right about why we are so angry. We also believe that the other one will not concede our point. The more intense our conviction, the longer we will behave this way. Intelligence doesn't play into this because we both do this. We both endure the silence. We are both loathe to break it off between us - even when we're both miserable. What it boils down to is that right or wrong may truly mean something outside of a relationship - but when you dispute right and wrong between a couple - the relationship suffers. The only thing that helps us out of these situations is to remember that being right or wrong isn't important. Loving each other is important, understanding is important and forgiving is important. When he points out that I am giving him the silent treatment - I have to stop and think about it. I have to apologize for doing it. He apologizes for not being more understanding. When that happens - we're talking again and the silent treatment is over. Learn more about Heather Long  Heather Long is 35 years old and currently lives in Wylie, Texas. She has been a freelance writer for six years. Her husband and she met while working together at America Online over ten years ago. Relevantmarriage tags User Comments ImAlive (40) 21 Apr 2006 05:46 AMI've found that the silent treatment is a power struggle founded in pain tolerance. The person who wins cares the least. While it's something that you don't mean to do, you might consider adopting the mentality of meaning "not" to do it. This will show your husband that you care much more than if he is forced to pry reconciliation from the claws of your unrelenting anger. SOSAD (5) 03 Aug 2008 05:29 AMI hate the silent treatment, I aways think the worse and I always get so sad that I cry, I hate crying in front of him even more, I just want him to think that I don't care, but I do and I really wish I didn't Community Tags arguments, communication, discussion, marriage tips, silent treatment Discuss this article
|
Marriage categories |
