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Domestic Violence Hurts Everyone

Tonight while working on my scrapbooking, I pulled out a picture that instantly brought tears to my eyes, and terror to my heart. Twelve years ago, my mother had to place her husband in a care facility. He had been in a car accident, sustained dementia, and had become abusive to the point of holding a gun on her and threatening her life. After she placed him, she asked me and my little family to come live with her. I moved in, bringing my husband, my little daughter, and my very pregnant belly. Her husband figured out a way to … Continue reading →

The Pattern of Domestic Violence

Wednesday is International Day for the Elimination of Violence Against Women. The aim is to raise the profile of this crime, for that is what it is, to try and change attitudes and lessen the problem. Let’s hope and pray it has some effect. It saddens me to think that domestic violence is such a problem in our world. No way could I imagine Mick raising a hand to me or my son or son-in-law raising a hand against their wives. Yet, sadly that is not the case for all women. I’ve had a couple of friends who have been … Continue reading →

The Cycle of Violence: part 7, Stand Over.

This is the last part of the Cycle of Violence. It is the culmination of the insidious and convincing trick behaviors that have occurred during Explosion, Remorse, Buy Back, Honeymoon, Normal, and Tension Build Up. The tension in the air has become so great that the home is like a powder keg. Every waking minute, the household members live in fear of an explosion. People speak in hushed tones, they become hypervigilant and keep a check on where the perpetrator is, and they wait. The moment he enters the scene they know there’s going to be trouble. It may be … Continue reading →

The Cycle of Violence: Part 2, Remorse

Yesterday we looked at the Explosion phase in the Cycle of Violence. Following the explosion, the perpetrator goes into a psychological deep period of deep remorse. At this stage, the remorse often appears genuine. They come home, look around them, and see the damage they have caused, the fear or disgust in the eyes of their family. The perpetrator commonly feels desperate and ashamed. Typical responses from the perpetrator may be: • “Why do you stay with me? I’m such a loser.” • “I am so sorry. I love you. I will never do that again. I don’t know what … Continue reading →

The Cycle of Violence: Part 1, The Explosion

Domestic and family violence is an act of abuse. It is a gendered crime, which means that many more men than women perpetrate the violence. It is an act of power designed to create fear in the victims and compliance with the perpetrators perceived power. Domestic and Family Violence is against the law. The Cycle of Violence is a pattern of behaviour that occurs in many relationships: husband/wife, father/child, mother /child, friend/friend, employer and employee. The cycle follows a particular pattern and gets quicker in completion each time the cycle restarts. Whereas the cycle may take 12 months to first … Continue reading →

Recognizing the Cycle of Domestic Violence

No one gets married expecting to become a statistic. Domestic abuse is a pattern of control and coercive behaviors, typically starting slow with a few little things and building over time. Abuse can involve physical, sexual, economic, emotional and psychological aspects of any relationship. Domestic abuse can effect anyone and has no social, economic, racial, religious and ethnic group limitation. Anyone can be a victim of domestic violence, but woman are the most common victims. Domestic abuse and violence can happen in any relationship and usually has nothing to do with love or the victims efforts to be the right … Continue reading →

Why “Ritalin Gone Wrong” is Controversial

At the end of January, the New York Times ran an opinion piece called “Ritalin Gone Wrong”. The title has since been changed to something else. In it, a professor emeritus of psychology states that the reason why a child has ADHD is because of bad parenting. Obviously, this claim has led to outrage. I first heard about this article when I noticed that The Coffee Klatch podcast had devoted an episode to a discussion about “Ritalin Gone Wrong”. That article was written by L. Alan Sroufe, who is an emeritus of psychology at the University of Minnesota’s Institute of … Continue reading →

Impulsive Behavior May Have A Genetic Link

Researchers led by a group of scientists at the National Institutes of Health have discovered a genetic variant that may be a significantly contributing factor in what causes some people to be unable to control their violent impulses. This finding could have wide implications into the study of what biological factors influence impulsive behavior in humans. Perhaps impulsive behavior runs in your family tree? The researchers took a look at a sample of people who were violent criminal offenders from Finland. This group was intentionally selected for a few specific reasons. Finland has a unique population history. Most Finns are … Continue reading →

When Trust Is Broken

What about when trust is broken or betrayed? Can trust be re-ignited? These were questions that came out of one of the comments on one of my recent blogs. Now I can’t answer that question because, thankfully, I have never been in that position. I can think there might be things I would not forgive and would find hard to trust again, but I don’t really know. The reality is none of us can really answer that question. We often think or say what we would or wouldn’t do in a certain situation, but when we are placed in the … Continue reading →

What Would You Not Forgive – Part 2?

Yesterday I told you of the discussion four of us had about what we would not forgive or would struggle to forgive. The other thing both of us the women in the group mentioned was domestic violence. I’d find it hard to live with a man who took out his frustration and anger on me in violent ways. You’d always be walking on eggshells wondering what next would set him off. I say he, because although abuse of husband by wives does happen, it is less common. With domestic violence there is often a pattern where the violent act is … Continue reading →