The Gift of Unconditional Acceptance

by Mary Ann Romans | More from this Blogger

15 Jan 2009 01:26 PM

Unconditional acceptance of another person is a wonderful thing that is very difficult to achieve, and maybe impossible to achieve 100 percent. But that is okay. The more effort and understanding we put into our marriages, along with a good dose of love, the closer we can come to this ideal.

When you first meet someone and then fall in love with him or her, the whole thing is rather exciting. You may find yourself overlooking the other person's faults (and we all have them) or trying to cover up your own. But marriage is all about trust, to whatever rules you both decide. And giving someone the gift of unconditional acceptance is one of the greatest things you can do.

Many times we accept things in other people but don't give our spouses the same courtesy. We may excuse a beloved sibling or friend for some "quirk," but chew out our spouses for the slightest contrary behavior, contrary to our own standards of course. But how amazing would it be, if you could look your spouse in the eye and tell him or her that you love and accept unconditionally.

I first really learned about unconditional acceptance when I met my husband. Then the three children being born to use honed that awareness even more. Think about a new life that comes into the world. You love this little baby despite the fact that it poops on itself or cries for hours with colic. It may tire you out, but you certainly don't love the baby any less. You accept that this is just who he or she is at the moment.

Adults are a little different of course, but we all have harmless things that we can't or don't want to change. Of course, I am not talking about things that cause harm, such as abuse or infidelity. But, instead of focusing on the little "bad" things that we don't like about our spouses, we can instead make our opinions gently known, offer alternatives or solutions but then ultimately decide to accept things for what they are.

What do you think?

Mary Ann Romans writes about everything related to saving money in the Frugal Blog, creating a home in the Home Blog, caring for little ones in the Baby Blog and now relationships in the Marriage Blog. You can read more of her articles by clicking here.

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Learn more about Mary Ann Romans

Mary Ann Romans is a freelance writer, wife and mother of three children. She lives in Pennsylvania with her husband, the kids and a 16-pound cat.

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Tashi (1013) 19 Jan 2009 12:23 PM

What a beautiful piece, Mary Ann! :-D You are SO right. I wish I had more time to comment, but my lunch hour is over. lol Thanks for the super article!

Mary Ann Romans (26876) 20 Jan 2009 05:08 PM

Thank you for reading! I really appreciate it.

pastfirst (135) 05 Feb 2009 01:32 AM

I'd like to know how many married couples really love their spouse unconditionally. Loving a child unconditionally is a "different kettle of fish". Our children are part of us. What we give them, we receive in return. Our spouses do not naturally deserve such love. We may love them, but in most cases this emotion is not unconditional. It's a different kind of love.

Mary Ann Romans (26876) 05 Feb 2009 12:02 PM

pastfirst, I would disagree. While it may not be as easy to unconditionally love a spouse as it is a child, I really believe that in the end our spouses deserve the same love, that unconditional love. Our spouses can be of us, too, especially if you believe in a spiritual component of marriage.

The only exception I make on this is in the case of an abusive spouse. You can still love while removing yourself from the situation.

Thanks so much for the comment! It was insightful and interesting!