Standards of Comparison: Housewife versus Stay At Home Momby Heather Long | More from this Blogger 08 Apr 2006 08:41 AM Over the last couple of days, I've been talking about the career wife versus the housewife. Now, I want to take the matter a little further. This is about the relationship dynamic and frankly the prejudice that exists now about the housewife, not the stay at home mom - but the housewife who elects to stay home whether there are children involved or not. Most of us who have commented on these issues over the last few days have all been moms, but what about the housewife who doesn't have children. Forty years ago, when a woman married - most assumed she would become a housewife. In fact, the movie Mona Lisa Smiles addresses some of the prejudices that modern women face when they choose marriage over a career. Note, not parenthood over a career, but marriage. Is that aspiration any better or worse than the woman who wants to become a VP in the executive branch of a bank? What about the woman who wants to becomes a well-known novelist? What makes their career aspirations better or worse than the woman who wants to become a good wife and that's it? Even the most open-minded woman is going to wonder - is that all? I mean doesn't she want to do something else? See - the difference is - even for me as I sit here and write this is that if you ask a woman if she is just a housewife, there is an implication that she is something less - that she is not living up to her potential or worse - that she isn't good enough to be more. What's wrong with being a housewife? Why does it make someone think a person isn't living up to his or her potential? Running a household, maintaining a yard and performing social work is no better or worse than any other occupation a woman can choose to do. It's hypocritical to judge someone else's choices. We all do it, however. We all feel the same way. The stay-at-home mom versus the career mom - daycare versus homecare - career wives versus housewives - the point of fact is that what all of these have in common is that they are women. If we support the right of a woman to choose her own destiny, then you have to support and not judge the choices she makes no matter whether it's a career life, a home life, a combination or something altogether new that we haven't discovered yet. In writing this, I think about the wife of a politician or powerful figures in both modern day and in history. Many of those were just housewives too - does that make them less in their value or contribution? Honestly, who judges what is valuable or not? Do your children measure it by the amount of attention they received? Does your spouse decide that value because they do or don't compete with your work? Who decides? Do you judge yourself by whether you go to work every day or whether you bring in money working from home? Is it wrong to put the welfare of your family ahead of your own desires? If someone were putting a gun to your head and telling you, no you have to do it just one way and only that way - then I'd have a problem with it. Otherwise, it's no one else's business. Learn more about Heather Long  Heather Long is 35 years old and currently lives in Wylie, Texas. She has been a freelance writer for six years. Her husband and she met while working together at America Online over ten years ago. Relevantmarriage tags User Comments  Christina Huffman (1406) 08 Apr 2006 04:02 PMRight on! A woman has a right to choose whatever career she wants- be it a homemaker or a CEO, and she can contribute greatly to society in either position.  LadyElizabeth (290) 08 Apr 2006 06:20 PMI'm a homemaker! When I meet new people and they ask what I do, I say I'm a homemaker. Their response has often been, "oh, so you don't work?" Hello?!!! Yes, I work! I work harder at home and in more diversified areas than I ever did at any job, and I've been employed a few times. If I were to hire someone I'd pick a good homemaker over a career woman, who is narrowly trained in one area. The homemaker's problem solving skills have been extensively trained. For example, when the plumbing floods at work, most career women don't have to deal with it or they call professional help. If the sewer backs up at home, the homemaker may get to call the plumber, but she still has to clean up the mess herself. Don't get me wrong, I've been employed inplenty of jobs, and salute the women who have to be employed outside the home and be a homemaker also, but I always had the opportunity to learn much more and in more areas at home. A homemaker is a nurse, chauffer, decorater, cook, laundress, cleaner, designer, psychologist, sewer, creative problem solver, repair woman, buyer, coordinator, etc, etc, etc...the list is endless.  Heather Long (16954) 09 Apr 2006 05:16 AMAbsolutely! Thank you both for jumping in there. Truth be told, I equate being a hosuewife or stay at home mom with a high level project manager. You always have about a thousand irons in the fire!  Marily (836) 11 Apr 2006 06:08 AMHmmmm, I just really am a bit torn on this topic. I think a lot of people don't want to speak out against housewives without children for fear of a backlash, but I still don't think that most of us REALLY think that staying home when there are no kids involved is the noblest of careers.  Nicole Humphrey (15757) 11 Apr 2006 11:29 AMI've been both, and I often think staying at home is the hardest one. I work both outside the home on a freelance basis and inside the home on both a freelance basis and a part time basis. I'm also a mom. Of all the jobs, I love being a SAHM best. Heather Long (16954) 11 Apr 2006 11:49 AMMarily, I don't think you're wrong. A lot of us are likely to look at the stay home housewife with no children a bit askance. The thing is -- how noble is a career as a secretary? As a systems administrator? As a customer service representative? Should we really judge someone's career choices -- if they are both satisfied and content with what they have chosen? Andrea M (2525) 12 Apr 2006 03:35 PMI have been both as well! Last year, I had to work outside the home (which was the first for me in 7 yrs.) and I loved it and hated it all at the same time! I missed watching my baby grow and missed watching my child get on and off the bus! I am now back at being a SAHM and love every min. of it and wouldn't cahnge it for the world!!!! Melsy (5) 27 Jun 2006 07:49 PMHi I'm a housewife without children. My friends and family don't always understand that I have chosen this career. I was an office worker for the last 10 years and I am the same worthy person now that I am a housewife. When people ask me what I do, I say I'm a "domestic engineer" then laugh and say..I'm a housewife who takes their role very seriously...hehe. However I do laugh at this but it does frustrate me that I feel I have to justify what I do in today's society. I think my career choice is great only if you can honestly say that you are financially able to do this and not creating financial suffering for yourselves as a couple. I don't claim any government support and my husband is 100% respectful of my choice. We actually find this traditional arrangement to be really suitable for us as individuals. We often wonder if this is because we were both raised with parents in the traditional roles. Either way we are happy and it works for us :)  newyorkerbaby (10) 25 Apr 2008 12:26 PMHey, I would love to be a housewife WITH children but God hasn't seen fit to give us anyway. But I still stay home because after working since I was 14, I decided it was time to quite work and see if we could manage. We actually got money back this year for the first time in taxes. Of course my husband got a promotion etc with his job so that certainly buffeted the missing income. But really, I save on gas, clothes (let's not even talk about panty hose!), food, stress, car insurance, etc. Like I said, I would love to have children but we have dealt with infertility for our whole marriage (15 years.) I do believe I do my fair share as a stay at home Mom by taking care of mowing the lawn and doing all the housework, meals, laundry, picking his clothes out,etc. I pull my weight, believe me.And my husband also is 100% supportive of me doing so. I don't come home crying anymore from stuff that happens at work,and he knows I am safe not having to drive the 60 miles a day. newyorkerbaby (10) 25 Apr 2008 12:28 PMOh, I forgot to add, I say stay at home MOM because I have 5 toy poodles and a black lab. I know, yikes! Community Tags career wife, housewife, modern choices, prejudice, preconceptions Discuss this article
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