Spousal Abuse: How and Whyby Gillian Markson | More from this Blogger 09 Jul 2006 07:47 PM Domestic violence is on the rise. This article will look at the causes and conditions surrounding spousal abuse and the dangers involved with the choices of leaving or staying in the relationship. Abuse is about control. And many women will choose to stay in the relationship because they are afraid of what would happen to them if they left. Beside the fear of being out on their own, most women believe that the abusive spouse doesn't mean it, and if they love the abuser enough, they will be happy and stop hurting them. The fact is that abuse very seldom stops. Counseling abusive men only works if the abuser is willing to admit that they are the ones who are wrong, truly want to change-not to get back the spouse that they've lost, but for themselves-and have usually lost the relationship they are in. Most of the time, however, this doesn't happen. The abuser either stalks the spouse who left and either ends up killing them or at best moving on to another victim. Before I go any farther-there is a rise in reported abuse by the woman in the relationship. There is an average of women who are the abusers, but this has gone largely unreported by the men being abused. From now on in this article, I will use the term ''abuser" and it will mean either make or female. Domestic abuse accounts for over 50% of all calls to 911. That's half of all calls handled by police. Typically the police would go to the home and talk everyone down, leave, and then be called back up to several times on the same night. This changed when laws dictated that at least one of the couple be arrested on the first call. Why do people stay involved with angry, ignorant, abusive people? Typically it has to do with the self esteem of the one being abused as much as the abuser. If you are in an abusive relationship and are afraid to leave, please, seek some kind of help. Call the abuse hotline and get the help and courage you need to leave. One of the biggest reasons for staying in an abusive relationship is that the abuser has told you that they will kill you if you leave. Unfortunately, this appears to be all too true. The most dangerous time for and abused person is three to six months after they have left the relationship, so please do not try to do this alone. There are good women's shelters (unfortunately, they are usually for women) with counselors who can keep you safe and help you every step of the way, from an emergency safe house to helping you get a place for you and your children to live to getting you the education you need to stand on your own. The hardest part is sometimes deciding what enough is. Leave at the first sign of abuse, not the second or third. It has been absolutely proven that domestic abuse does not stop after the first time, it only escalates. Relevantmarriage tags User Comments thefourthlady (9) 01 Nov 2009 08:03 AMThere's a new book just out on domestic violence called Knight in Tarnished Armor by Erin Donovan. It's a must read for anyone in a domestic violence relationship or anyone who knows someone in a DV relationship and doesn't have a clue what the victim is going through. It's an actual account of this woman's story of abuse, how she got through and some really good advice at the end about taking control and getting out. It's not a lot of psychology, just common sense..."I've been through it and here's what I learned..." advice. You can buy it directly from her and the all money goes to abuse organizations or to print more books. A friend of mine bought me one because of what I went through with my ex. I couldn't put it down. The website is www.knightintarnishedarmor.com. Community Tags domestic abuse, domestic violence, marriage, relationships Discuss this article
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