Show Some Respect

by Dale Harcombe | More from this Blogger

18 Aug 2008 03:56 PM

Recently FatherBlogger started a forum topic about the best way for a boy to learn to respect women. I suggested a boy needed the example at home of a father who showed that respect to his wife. But it really goes much deeper than that.

Marriage to me is about love certainly, but also respect and loyalty to each other. I am horrified sometimes to hear the way women deride their husbands to other women. Where is the loyalty to the one they are married to?

By the same token there are guys who publicly ridicule and sling off about their wives to their mates as Lyn mentioned in her blog.

Mick and I've been married a long time and I know that he would not make cracks or negative comments about me to his friends, any more than I would about him to my friends. It's all about what that Aretha Franklin song said RESPECT.

Because I love and respect him I would not criticize or make negative comments about him to friends and I know he feels the same way and would not treat what we have so lightly as to do that either. The thing is I would not say anything behind his back to others that I wouldn't say if he was standing right next to me.

When we promise to love and honor and to give ourselves to another person for better or for worse that doesn't mean sharing the worse with all our friends. It means honoring our commitment to the one we are married to. If we have a problem with something our partner is doing then it is him (or her - for you guys) that we need to talk it over with - not whine to those outside the marriage relationship.

Only the two inside a marriage relationship can really know what goes on inside that marriage. Otherwise friends are only getting an edited version and you can be sure the person telling the tale is careful to edit it their way.

So next time you're ready to go tell your friend about him, why not pick your moment and than calmly tell him what the problem is. It's sure to have more effect and benefit your marriage more.

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Learn more about Dale Harcombe

Dale has a passion for books and writing. She writes in various forms, from articles to poetry to fiction for children and adults.

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Heidi (5269) 18 Aug 2008 04:09 PM

One of the best pieces of marital advice I got when DH and I were engaged was "Never talk bad about him to your friends" She warned me that when married women get together they often start griping about their husbands and not to fall into that trap.

The more I've thought about it, the more I've realized what a vicious cycle it is--by complaining about your husband to your friends not only are you giving them a bad impression of him, you're focused on his negative traits instead of his good ones.

Ephesians 4:29 says "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen"

Andrea Hermitt (5507) 19 Aug 2008 07:05 AM

When I was dating, my mother and one of my brothers was very firm with me about teasing a man in public. "You're supposed to support him, not embarrass him in public, they said".

Dale Harcombe (10327) 19 Aug 2008 03:15 PM

Definitely wise marital advice there, Heidi and Andrea. I wish more mothers would pass on this same advice so that it benefits those who listen.

Hunterchad (5) 19 Aug 2008 08:58 PM

Definitely great advice. People often start out complaining about their spouse to others and before long, that complaining has burrowed itself in them. It starts to grow into real resentment and rifts start real easily. I know we've all been guilty of it because it's so easy to do.

I believe that anything you focus on grows. We always need to keep a check on where we're putting our focus on in our marriages: the good or the bad. The ugly is always waiting.

Dale Harcombe (10327) 19 Aug 2008 09:13 PM

True enough, Hunterchad. Always so easy for the negative to surface. Let's try and keep the ugly at bay.