Should You Be Judged By Your Spouse's Behavior or Choices?

by Heather Long | More from this Blogger

06 Aug 2007 08:52 AM

So I was reading in the paper this weekend that Hillary Clinton is dancing around addressing her husband's record in the White House. I've read editorials that cite Hillary with contempt for the things that Bill did. There were also a few op-ed pieces that wanted to take Hillary to task for Bill Clinton policies. Now I realize this is politics and they'll pick on you for what your grandmother's boyfriend's best friend did thirty years before you were born when it comes to politics - the worse it makes you look, the better to smear you with.

But should we as wives or our husbands for that matter be held accountable for what one spouse or the other does?

Procrastination

My husband is a procrastinator. It drives me nuts, but there it is. He's a procrastinator. It's just a part of his nature and most of us who know and love him have accepted it. Often, if the family needs something from us as a couple, they tend to ask me because I don't usually put things off.

But when he's made mistakes (and he's made some) or when I've made mistakes (and I've definitely made some) I don't think anyone ever blamed he or I for what the other one did. As a couple, we defend each other first and foremost. If someone is picking on him in front of me, even if they are right, I won't let them say bad things about him.

Do I think Hillary needs to defend her husband's record in the White House? No. But if someone is attacking him, then I think she has every right to defend him. Because right, wrong or indifferent, he is her husband. Now, should she have to defend him in order to prove herself? I don't think so.

I don't think she should be held accountable for Bill's choices, primarily because Bill is a grown man and an individual in his own right. To hold Hillary accountable would be to say that she pulled the strings and that he made no decisions without her input and say-so. If the decisions were joint ones, then yes - sure, take her to task for it. But the buck should stop with the person who made the decision.

We Influence Our Spouses

Quite obviously, we influence our spouses. Our decisions can have a profound influence on their decisions. This is very normal. I know my husband's influence has helped to make me a kinder person. Recently, someone told me that I was the nicest, blunt person they know. I was direct and to the point, but I was really nice about it. Ten years ago, no one would ever have said that to me. I was direct and blunt to the point of harshness. My husband's influence has made me kinder.

Is that a fault or something he should be held accountable for? No. Because ultimately the decision to change or not change is up to me, his influence has helped, but he couldn't force me or make me be anything I'm not.

Do you think you should be accountable for your spouse's decisions or lack thereof?

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Learn more about Heather Long

Heather Long is 35 years old and currently lives in Wylie, Texas. She has been a freelance writer for six years. Her husband and she met while working together at America Online over ten years ago.

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