Rule Number 4: One Size Doesn't Fit Allby Courtney Mroch | More from this Blogger 13 Feb 2008 09:42 AM As Valentine's Day approaches, and as I contemplate ways in which to fulfill my New Year's Marriage Blog goals, I've been digesting some food for thought provided by a discussion in the forums. I had posted a thread asking readers what kind of articles they'd like to see more of in '08. It led to a sub-discussion within the thread about making marriages work and keeping them healthy and strong. Two people, MissyChrissy and QueenAngie, raised excellent points about what it takes to make marriages work. They both pointed out how key communication is, as is respect. But as far as following certain "rules"... not so much. They found what worked for them and went from there, using what works and tossing what doesn't. I think that's actually key. Certain components -like trust, respect, and communication- need to be present in your relationship's foundation. But as far as one size fitting all for how to argue, make up, or even make love? No. Once you develop your own style, you know what works and what doesn't. Basically, you know what feels comfortable to wear and what's itchy as all get out, pulls, pinches, and otherwise rides. For instance, it's been said that you should never go to bed mad. You should always kiss your spouse goodnight. This is what makes for a healthy marriage. For me, that just doesn't work. When I'm mad I don't always kiss Wayne goodnight. I need to sleep off whatever I'm mad about first. (And now there are studies showing it actually is better to skip the goodnight kiss and let yourself cool down first.) Another example is girls nights/guys nights out (GNOs). MissyChrissy raised the point that she and her husband don't bother with such nights. Wayne and I are like that too. I have some friends who never miss such outings. They can't understand why I never go. They feel it does their relationship good to have that bonding time with their friends. Time away does help. But I'm more of a loner by nature. If I'm taking me time, I'm doing it alone. That's how I recharge. There's no rule that says GNOs are great for everyone's relationships. They're not. So if you're trying to make the best of marriage in '08 and beyond too, here's my last rule to keep in mind when it comes to relationships: use whatever advice you can glean for whatever issue you're trying to resolve. But if something's not working or doesn't feel right, discard immediately. Only keep what works for you, because there truly is no absolute right way to do anything and no one size that absolutely fits all. Related Articles Rule Number 1: No Such Thing as a Perfect Marriage Rule Number 2: You Get What You Give Rule Number 3: Change is a Catch-22 Accentuate the Positive: Start Today Learn more about Courtney Mroch  Courtney Mroch is a wife, a proud pet parent, and a writer. She's been with her husband, high school sweetheart Wayne Pryor, over 20 years, married 11 of those. She's "mom" to Mr. Meow, a.k. Relevantmarriage tags User Comments  Dale Harcombe (10327) 13 Feb 2008 07:42 PMMy husband and I have been married for more than two thirds of our lives and we never go to bed angry. But that could be because we are both people who like things out in the open and talked through and dealt with . I do go away sometimes without him but mostly only for a couple of days to writers' conferences and things like that. He takes that time to watch action type and war movies he knows I wouldn't like. I've linked to this blog in my blog' Happily ever after'  Courtney Mroch (9169) 14 Feb 2008 08:19 AMDale, I sure envy people with your disposition! I am SUCH a hothead. When I'm mad I lose rationality until I can settle back down again. But luckily Wayne understands this about me now. PHEW! Hey, now I'm going to go check out your blog... Community Tags relationships, rules, relationship rules Discuss this article
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