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Debt and Marriage: How It is Tough to Love When You Owe

Many couples enter into a marriage with debt already in hand. Others accumulate debt together. Either way, nurturing a loving relationship can be hard when debt is hanging over your head. In fact, according to a study by Jeffrey Dew at Utah State University, couples who reported disagreeing about finance once a week were over 30 percent more likely to get divorced than couples who reported disagreeing about finances only a few times a month. Another inference can be made from this study: there is a whole lot of disagreement about money out there. Debt is a source of contention. … Continue reading →

Tips for Conflict Resolution

My father passed away recently, and last night, I spent some time reading his life history. He stated that even though twenty years had passed since my parents’ divorce, he still didn’t know why my mother had filed. She, on the other hand, always said that she tried over and over again to resolve the issues in their marriage, and he never listened. Hearing it from her side, and then reading it from his, I began to realize that conflict resolution is a two-way street. Both parties have to be invested, but first, both parties have to know there’s a … Continue reading →

Resolving Conflict in Marriage – Part 3

Following on from last week’s articles about resolving conflict in marriage, these are also good guidelines to follow. Once you have sat down and talked thought the situation, move on. Practice forgetfulness. Every time negative thoughts come back to you, practice putting them away by thinking about good qualities of your spouse and re-enforcing the idea that the problems are over and you have a clean slate. Don’t keep harping back to what has already gone on before and keeping score of wrongs and hurts. The ability to put aside hurts and get along with others is a sign of … Continue reading →

Don’t Beat Yourself Up

Sometimes we learn things from a totally unrelated topic that can be applied to marriage. One that I encountered recently was ‘don’t beat yourself up over past mistakes and things you can’t change.’ We all have those moments in our marriage we regret, where we wish we’d never said or done what we did. But once we have admitted our fault to our spouse and resolved to try and not do it again, then it is time to move on. Sadly many of us, women in particular, keep harking back and going on over the experience. Beating ourselves up like … Continue reading →

How to Parent Adult Step Children

Almost thirty years ago, Robert married a woman who had five grown children. No big deal, right? They ranged in age from mid-twenties to mid-thirties, so they had all been on their own for many years. They appeared to be well-adjusted, independent, responsible adults. They lived locally, and Robert and his wife socialized with them on a regular basis. So what was the problem? It turns out that there were many, but primary among them was the fact that his wife’s family was, what the shrinks would call, enmeshed. They were ‘all up in’ one another’s business—they spoke to one … Continue reading →

To Leave or Not to Leave

In the early years of our marriage, the threat of leaving became our default position in a distressing number of our fights. For me, the devastation of feeling totally misunderstood, my efforts unappreciated, and my actions unfairly judged left me thinking that there was only one way out, and that way was out the door. Over the years, however, I have come to understand a few things: 1) There is hardly ever just one way out; 2) If you are truly committed to the marriage, leaving is not an option; and, 3) Control is at the root of most conflict. … Continue reading →

Tristi Pinkston Shares Thoughts on Juggling, Ranting and Raving, and Faith

One of my resolutions for ‘08 was to emphasize the positives of marriage. My thinking was that if we have good examples to follow, we’ll have guides to help strengthen our own relationships. That said, I’d like to introduce you to my fellow blogger, Tristi Pinkston. Tristi is a Senior Blogger who covers Media, Movie Reviews, and LDS and has been married to her husband twelve and a half years. I asked if she’d be game for an interview because she’s a very witty, wise woman who always has sage advice. In other words, she’s primo role model material. I … Continue reading →

Don’t Quarrel in Front of the Kids

This may seem like a no-brainer, but we all do it. It can be hard to balance your marriage needs versus your duties as a parent – but in this area – your duty as a parent and as a marriage partner actually sync up. It’s important to recognize that when you and your partner have serious disagreements that need serious discussion – you don’t need an audience adult or child based. When you have disagreements in front of an audience, you are inviting them to participate in your disagreement, debate or quarrel. I wouldn’t imagine anyone wants their children … Continue reading →