Search Results for: blog resolving conflict in marriage part 2

Debt and Marriage: How It is Tough to Love When You Owe

Many couples enter into a marriage with debt already in hand. Others accumulate debt together. Either way, nurturing a loving relationship can be hard when debt is hanging over your head. In fact, according to a study by Jeffrey Dew at Utah State University, couples who reported disagreeing about finance once a week were over 30 percent more likely to get divorced than couples who reported disagreeing about finances only a few times a month. Another inference can be made from this study: there is a whole lot of disagreement about money out there. Debt is a source of contention. … Continue reading →

Tips for Conflict Resolution

My father passed away recently, and last night, I spent some time reading his life history. He stated that even though twenty years had passed since my parents’ divorce, he still didn’t know why my mother had filed. She, on the other hand, always said that she tried over and over again to resolve the issues in their marriage, and he never listened. Hearing it from her side, and then reading it from his, I began to realize that conflict resolution is a two-way street. Both parties have to be invested, but first, both parties have to know there’s a … Continue reading →

Resolving Conflict in Marriage – Part 3

Following on from last week’s articles about resolving conflict in marriage, these are also good guidelines to follow. Once you have sat down and talked thought the situation, move on. Practice forgetfulness. Every time negative thoughts come back to you, practice putting them away by thinking about good qualities of your spouse and re-enforcing the idea that the problems are over and you have a clean slate. Don’t keep harping back to what has already gone on before and keeping score of wrongs and hurts. The ability to put aside hurts and get along with others is a sign of … Continue reading →

Resolving Conflict in Marriage – part 2

One of the biggest problems, where there is conflict in a marriage, is one person feeling they are not actually being heard. So it is important that you listen and acknowledge your spouse’s feelings. Even if you disagree or think they are misinterpreting events or comments, for the moment keep that to yourself. Just let them know firstly that you love them and are actually hearing what they are saying about how they are feeling. If you are too quick to jump in with your own opinions or own version of events, it will effectively shut them down and they … Continue reading →

Resolving to Make the Best of Marriage in ‘08

Happy New Year’s Eve! Last year when I was first hired on by Families.com I was only blogging over in Pets. At the end of December I set some New Year’s Resolutions to accomplish in 2007 in regards to the Pets Blog, which I recently took stock of. I thought it’d be a good idea to do the same here. (At least as far as making resolutions, that is. I didn’t make any last year in Marriage to take stock of now.) Resolution #1: Accentuating the Positive I’m a firm believer that a positive attitude is essential for a good … Continue reading →

Creating A Safe Environment for Conflict

This may sound a little odd, but your marriage should be a place where you can create a safe environment for conflict. Arguments in marriage are not necessarily a bad thing. When a married couple argues, they are demonstrating their passion, their need for change and their ability to communicate. Conflict and arguments in a marriage can be very healthy for the couple. When you and your spouse participate in healthy conflict, you can actually build a respectful and loving partnership that is based on communication and passion. How Do We Do That? This is a question we have to … Continue reading →

Top 5 Worst Ways to Handle Conflict in Your Marriage

We talked about active listening earlier today and we’ve tried to offer a lot of suggestions on how to positively resolve conflicts and more. The following are the top 5 worst ways you can handle conflict in your marriage or in most other relationships. If you recognize yourself in the following descriptions, it may be time to consider alternatives in how you handle those conflicts. Going on the Defensive – The moment a problem is mentioned or an issue is brought up, you immediately go on the defensive instead of actively listening and hearing the problems that your spouse is … Continue reading →

Don’t Beat Yourself Up

Sometimes we learn things from a totally unrelated topic that can be applied to marriage. One that I encountered recently was ‘don’t beat yourself up over past mistakes and things you can’t change.’ We all have those moments in our marriage we regret, where we wish we’d never said or done what we did. But once we have admitted our fault to our spouse and resolved to try and not do it again, then it is time to move on. Sadly many of us, women in particular, keep harking back and going on over the experience. Beating ourselves up like … Continue reading →

How to Parent Adult Step Children

Almost thirty years ago, Robert married a woman who had five grown children. No big deal, right? They ranged in age from mid-twenties to mid-thirties, so they had all been on their own for many years. They appeared to be well-adjusted, independent, responsible adults. They lived locally, and Robert and his wife socialized with them on a regular basis. So what was the problem? It turns out that there were many, but primary among them was the fact that his wife’s family was, what the shrinks would call, enmeshed. They were ‘all up in’ one another’s business—they spoke to one … Continue reading →

To Leave or Not to Leave

In the early years of our marriage, the threat of leaving became our default position in a distressing number of our fights. For me, the devastation of feeling totally misunderstood, my efforts unappreciated, and my actions unfairly judged left me thinking that there was only one way out, and that way was out the door. Over the years, however, I have come to understand a few things: 1) There is hardly ever just one way out; 2) If you are truly committed to the marriage, leaving is not an option; and, 3) Control is at the root of most conflict. … Continue reading →