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Dealing with Jealousy

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Jealousy can be a big issue in some relationships. Some partners find that they become very controlling and obsessive when in a relationship. Others feel more secure and are comfortable with their mate being around others of the opposite sex. There is a line that can be drawn between being too jealous and too lax in your relationship. While you do not want to put your mate in the old ball and chain, you also want to be able to recognize when something is not right. Jealousy is not always something that can be controlled. Some people, women especially, become … Continue reading →

Jealousy and the Single Parent

Oh jealousy…that little green monster that can do so much damage! As a single parent, we might have more than our fair share of opportunities to wrestle with jealousy—and when we give into jealousy, it seldom turns out well! We might be jealous of our ex, or our child’s other parent; we might feel jealous of friends or family members who seem to have it better than us; an ex’s new partner; a coworker or the neighbor across the street. There are ample ordinary life situations that might be exacerbated by the fact that we have been through the crisis … Continue reading →

Control Issues & Jealousy

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What is a control issue and what does it have to do with marriage? Control issues usually take place in a marriage when one partner or the other or both are feeling jealous, threatened, insecure or possessive. Those negative emotions can spawn a need to control what is happening in their life, even when they have no ability to apply control or to influence the outcome. It can be even worse for their partner as they try to control them as well. Loss of Control Control issues and jealousy do not always go hand in hand, but if you’ve ever … Continue reading →

Marriage Tips: Jealousy is Not a Positive Sign in a Relationship

When we think of someone getting jealous, we think that it means they must really care about us. Jealousy is not a positive sign in a relationship though because jealousy is a very negative emotion. The idea that you can test someone’s love for you by flirting with another person and that how your spouse reacts is an indicator of their love is not only faulty, it’s dangerous. Jealousy has its roots low self-esteem and fear. People are more likely to be jealous when they don’t believe they are lovable or that they are not worthy of being loved. They … Continue reading →

Relationship Tips: They Are So Not Worth It

I want to take a break a bit from the marriage conversation, but only in the sense that we develop relationships before we marry. Those relationships can be short-term or long-term and not always will they result in marriage. It’s a sad fact in our society, that many of us spend a long time looking for love and as the song says, looking in all the wrong places. Why Do We Hook Up With the Wrong People? The most likely answer to this question is a case of poor self-esteem. I’ve seen it happen time and again with people that … Continue reading →

Relationship Dynamics: Avoid Jealousy

Jealousy is perhaps one of the most unattractive feelings a person can experience. You may think it’s one of the worst things that can happen to a relationship, but it happens to a person before it happens to a relationship. When the green-eyed monster affects a person it can change their behavior, triggering a nasty attitude and unkind words. Snippy comments can become vile and jealousy itself can alter perceptions of the person experiencing it. Suddenly, everything a spouse does can be seen as suspicious. Even the most normal of behaviors, things that would not be seen as out of … Continue reading →

Is It Possible to Affair-Proof a Marriage?

On Oprah’s “Why Men Cheat Part 2” show, M. Gary Neuman offered three ways to affair-proof a marriage: 1. Appreciate your spouse more. In fact, make sure to appreciate your spouse as much as you possibly can. 2. Have sex. Make time for sex. Enjoy sex. (He suggested women are bad about receiving pleasure. Men are better at that. By nature they’re takers and we’re givers. We’re not comfortable receiving. Be it sexual pleasure or tokens of affection. Mr. Neuman said instead of saying “You shouldn’t have” when your husband gives you something, you should say, “Yes you should have … Continue reading →

The Curious Case of Sister-Wives

The other night I stayed up late watching TV because I couldn’t sleep. I ended up tuning into a show called “The Secret Lives of Women.” Apparently the show’s a series and features insight into different aspects of women’s lives. The night I watched the topic was polygamy. I have to admit, other than what I’ve seen from the media, I don’t know much about polygamy. I knew the concept of multiple wives sprung from religious beliefs, but I’ve never understood why any woman would sign up for that type of marriage. (Unless if she was forced into it, like … Continue reading →

Thoughts on Polygamy

With the raid on the polygamist compound in Texas headline news lately, I’ve been thinking about polygamy probably more than I ever have before in my life. The Husbands Watching the news, I’d be led to believe that the husbands in polygamist unions are all abusive, dirty old men who use religion as justification for having sex with young girls. Maybe some of them do. But what about the ones who don’t? What about the ones who have committed themselves to many wives because their religion ordains it and they firmly believe in their doctrines? How do they emotionally and … Continue reading →

Battling Demons: The Green-Eyed Monster

The jealous are troublesome to others, but a torment to themselves. ~-William Penn-~ Are you a jealous person? I am. Or used to be more frequently than I am now. For the last ten years or so I’ve been in a recovery program of sorts. Not one associated with any particular group. Just one devised by applying wisdom I’ve stumbled across in regards to my problem. Because jealousy is a problem. Or can be, if left unchecked. Once upon a time, back when Wayne and I were first dating, I didn’t check my jealousy very much at all. I let … Continue reading →