Recognizing the Cycle of Domestic Violence

by Anna Glendenning | More from this Blogger

08 Feb 2006 02:45 AM

No one gets married expecting to become a statistic. Domestic abuse is a pattern of control and coercive behaviors, typically starting slow with a few little things and building over time. Abuse can involve physical, sexual, economic, emotional and psychological aspects of any relationship. Domestic abuse can effect anyone and has no social, economic, racial, religious and ethnic group limitation. Anyone can be a victim of domestic violence, but woman are the most common victims.

Domestic abuse and violence can happen in any relationship and usually has nothing to do with love or the victims efforts to be the right kind of spouse. Anyone can find themselves living the Cycle of Violence but understanding how the cycle works can help a victim become a survivor. Domestic violence occurs in relationship where conflict is the result of unbalanced power between the couple and where one person is in fear of or harmed by the other.

The Cycle of Violence can vary from one situation to another but in many cases it follows the same general patterns.

Build-Up Phase--That period of time when the tension and stress is building.

• Abuser starts to get angry.
• Verbal and emotional Abuse may begin.
• There is a breakdown of communication.
• Victim feels the need to keep the abuser calm.
• Tension becomes too much.
• Victim feels like they are 'walking on egg shells'.

The Incident or Explosion Phase--A violent outburst occurs.

• Screaming and yelling.
• Name calling or humiliation.
• Physical violence.
• Rape or sexual abuse.
• Dangerous Situations.

Pursuit Phase--It will never happen again, I promise.

• Abuser may apologize for abuse.
• Abuser may promise it will never happen again.
• Abuser may blame the victim for causing the abuse.
• Abuser may deny abuse took place or say it was not as bad as the victim claims.

Honeymoon Phase--See, we don't have any problems.

• Abuser acts like the abuse never happened.
• Physical abuse may not be taking place.
• Promises made during 'making-up' may be met.
• Victim may hope that the abuse is over.
• Abuser may give gifts to victim.

If you feel your life is in the cycle of domestic violence only you can make the call and get help. This may not be what you expected or the life you planned to live. Call the National Domestic Violence Hot line 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) for help and information. You might also consider visiting this website The Safety Zone where you can have help and learn how to insure your abuser is not aware of your internet activities and search for help.

Anna Glendenning is a Families.com Blogger for Adoption. Anna is also a survivor of domestic abuse.

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Learn more about Anna Glendenning

Anna Glendenning is a mother of four. Two biological children grown and out of college, and two siblings and adopted together in 2003. Anna's Personal Website http://www.adoptiveparentsnetwork.

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bluetree (2947) 13 Feb 2006 06:08 PM

Great tips for identifying abuse.

Rev. Robert Crutchfield (165) 26 May 2006 02:14 PM

Domestic abuse is always tragic. One key that people suffering from abuse should keep in mind is, that the abusive partnet cannot be helped unless they want to be helped and they too often don't. You mau have to get away for your own safety.