Reasons to Give Your Spouse a Second Chanceby Mary Ann Romans | More from this Blogger 14 Mar 2009 07:02 AM
Good basic character If you spouse is basically a decent person with a good character then it usually means that a second chance would be rewarded. Has your spouse showed you time and time again that he or she has a commitment to you and the relationship? Did you trust your spouse before the current issue? Does your spouse generally care about others and usually does the right thing? Tough circumstances You don't want to let your spouse get away with excuse after excuse, but were there tough circumstances in place that might have may it tough for your spouse to do the right thing? This could be a dangerous line depending on the nature of the offense, but if an unusual situation comes up that prompts your spouse to act uncharacteristically in a way that you would have never dreamed he or she would then perhaps a second chance might be warranted. Change is happening You can genuinely see that the issue is causing positive changes in your relationship. Maybe you are now beginning to have better communication, for example. Has there been some genuine growth and and insight that has come out of it all? In your heart of hearts (without fooling yourself) do you believe that change is possible? You're willing to risk it happening again While you can always have the greatest confidence and hope that the situation that brought you pain won't happen again, can you handle it if it did? Sometimes in spite all efforts and willingness, things continue to fall apart. You have to be truly prepared that your spouse might disappoint you a second time. Obviously, you don't want to continue be a doormat or suffer abuse, but if you can emerge relatively in tact after a scond offense, the risk might be worth it. What do you think? Do you have an experience in which you gave your spouse a second chance? Was it worthwhile? Mary Ann Romans writes about everything related to saving money in the Frugal Blog, creating a home in the Home Blog, caring for little ones in the Baby Blog and now relationships in the Marriage Blog. You can read more of her articles by clicking here. Related Articles: What Do Men and Women Look for in an Affair? Learn more about Mary Ann Romans  Mary Ann Romans is a freelance writer, wife and mother of three children. She lives in Pennsylvania with her husband, the kids and a 16-pound cat. Relevantmarriage tags User Comments Samual (11722) 14 Mar 2009 03:26 PMI don't personally think second chances should ever be allowed for hurtful things, like cheating, whether it be physical, emotional or both, then things like being verbally or physically abusive. I believe if someone loves you they wont do it no matter what, if you really want to be with someone else or single then to me the right thing to do is end the relationship you are in.  ruthann8 (6378) 16 Mar 2009 06:02 AMI agree with you Samual. And for the longest time I thought someone who did those hurtful things would never deserve a second chance. And they don't! But it's not about them it is about the person or persons they hurt. I absolutely LOVE my husband and he is my best friend. I would have to give him a second chance, not for him but for ME. I don't think I could just end it all. We have given 12 years to our relationship, I would be lost with out him. At this point I don't think I will ever have to worry about it. But I can see how people get "stuck" in bad relationships.  Mary Ann Romans (26876) 16 Mar 2009 06:24 AMVery interesting comments! Please keep them coming. This is a great discussion.  Realtalktime (170) 18 Mar 2009 01:20 PMFor me it's about God and what He requires of us. According to His word the only reason given for divorce is adultery but in our marriage we are suppose to have the God kind of love and God's love is not a selfish love. God's kind of love, loves even when that love is not reciprocated. One attribute of love is forgiveness. God's love for us endures all things. None of us are perfect. We all make mistakes and no one sin is worse than another. It may hurt our feelings at various levels but a sin is a sin. If you have true love, "God's love", for your spouse then you will forgive him/her for their wrong doing.(Not saying it will be easy) The one thing God does say is if that person can not repent for their wrong and change from their sinful ways THEN you have the right to divorce. So with all of that being said I do believe you should give your spouse a second chance. Sassies (5) 28 Apr 2009 05:33 AMIf my daughter came to me saying her partner was unfaithful I would tell her to get out of the relationship. Her relationship lacked respect and without that she may never find true happiness with her partner. On the other hand I do not take my own advice.... 'We' have been struggling through tough circumstances, he has a good basic character but gave in to weakness when in an unusual situation - not for the first time, but slightly different circumstances than before. I have not taken my own advice. He broke our marriage vows, I did not. I believe I will forgive him. I do not feel angry with him, a little sad that he has spoilt things, and ashamed for us both. But, I feel that the love I felt for him has diminished. I trusted him with my life. I doubt that will return. Maybe one switches off the love when one is hurt, so as to protect themselves from further pain. Surely the forgiveness is a slow burner to an eventual loveless marriage. 'Til death do us part' - is that the death of the partner or the death of the love within the marriage.......... Community Tags infidelity, love, marriage, relationships Discuss this article
|
Marriage categories |
