Search Results for: blog not my idea of romance

Scripted Romance

Many years ago I let my husband off the hook—the one where he gets hung up for failing to come through on Valentine’s Day.  I used to have lots of expectations until I began to realize something….his love for me is shown on a daily basis.  So why expect him to do something extravagant one day a year? Now, I’m not knocking those couples who go all out for Valentine’s Day.  Maybe it’s the fact we’ve been married for more than two decades or it could be we have grown too comfortable—who knows? I just know that my husband feels … Continue reading →

The Sweet (and Not So Sweet) Origins of the Honeymoon

There’s one wedding tradition that doesn’t seem like it should need much explanation: the honeymoon.  Unlike some of our other wedding traditions, which seem to happen because it feels like that’s the way it’s always been, the purpose of the honeymoon appears to make sense.  It gives the new couple some time alone together, away from the world.  That, more so than a wedding ceremony itself, seems like the perfect celebration of the start of a marriage. But just like the wedding dress, despite the fact that there seems to be an obvious explanation for the honeymoon, its origins are … Continue reading →

The Effects of the Media on Romance

Where do our irrational romantic impulses come from? Are they just something we naturally want; after all, everyone likes to be spoiled. But often we equate all romance with grand gestures, or expect our relationships to play out like fairy tales. We have the media to blame for that. I know I sound like a broken record sometimes, and it must seem like I think we shouldn’t watch movies or television. I don’t believe that at all, but I can testify that too many romcoms, or at least, not approaching them in the right way, can have a negative effect. … Continue reading →

Contrasting Romances in Much Ado About Nothing

Perhaps my favorite example of my type of romance is the Shakespeare play “Much Ado About Nothing.” I like it because it’s a great play (the original romantic comedy), and I admit because a petty part of me likes the legitimacy Shakespeare lends my ideals of romance and marriage. Enter the two couples: the young Claudio and Hero, in starry-eyed infatuation with one another, and the older bickering Beatrice and Benedick, who always try to outdo each other in a war of wits. Benedick and Claudio are soldiers who made the acquaintance of Beatrice and Hero when they stayed at … Continue reading →

Changing My Name

By now I’m sure that you can tell that feminist issues are a very big deal for me. It even took a bit of coaxing from my parents for me to walk down the aisle with my dad; I did it for him, because it was important to him, but I don’t like the idea of being passed off from one man’s hands to another. Yet one thing about my decisions related to my married life really stands out: I took my husband’s name. I’ll admit it rankled a little, just the idea that I erase a part of myself … Continue reading →

Shakespeare and Romance: Romeo & Juliet

One of the reasons why I often like to facilitate discussion about my type of romance is because I feel that it isn’t represented much in the media. We draw some ideas of our cultural norms from the media, so others like me might be led to feel that they’re not normal. Interestingly, one of the most famous examples of my type of romance, or at least extolling against silly romance, is often misinterpreted: “Romeo & Juliet.” People will call an ideal male lover a “Romeo,” when in fact that was the opposite of what Shakespeare intended. Shakespeare liked to … Continue reading →

One-Sided Romance

Valentine’s Day has come and passed, but this year it really made me start thinking about romance. I’m sure that’s in part because I now officially write about love and marriage. But as the ads on television and the radio were dedicated to talking about getting gifts for the holiday, as friends posted pictures and comments on their Facebook pages about what their husbands got them or the frantic lines of men in department stores and flower shops on the day, I really began to wonder: why is romance so one-sided? Think about it: usually when we think about something … Continue reading →

Diamonds Do Not Equal Love

When I first started at the Marriage Blog I mentioned my feelings on diamond commercials and promised to expound on them. Given that we see many such ads this time of year, it seems like an appropriate time to make my promised follow-up. I’m not a big jewelry person so diamonds never appealed to me. That wouldn’t really be a big deal, except that for my entire life I’ve been inundated by ads and assumptions telling me the opposite. “So what?” you might wonder. Well, the media can have a much more powerful effect, subtle though it might be, on … Continue reading →

My Unconventional Valentine’s History

Valentine’s Day is just around the corner, but as you might be able to guess, Jon and I don’t really do anything for Valentine’s Day. The holiday does mean one thing: candy hearts. The weeks leading up to Valentine’s Day are the only time of the year I can find them. Their close companion Necco Wafers just aren’t the same. So I suppose one might say Jon gets me a Valentine’s Day present, because he usually buys me candy hearts. However, even this practice has two exceptions that probably exclude it as a Valentine’s celebration. First: Jon usually brings home … Continue reading →

We Cannot Live on Love Alone

During my first year of marriage I wasn’t as happy as I should have been. Despite the supposed “honeymoon period,” I often felt listless and depressed. It took me a while to figure out why. Jonathan has an excellent job with the government. Unfortunately it’s located in a rural area, so most of the jobs are related to the military base that his position serves. Few jobs exist outside of the technology industry. Basically, my plan to start freelance work once we had children, so I could stay at home with them, had to be bumped up a few years … Continue reading →