No Longer Attracted to Your Spouse?

by Melissa J | More from this Blogger

17 Nov 2006 12:18 PM

Sex is no doubt a very important part of marriage; but it is just that-a part. As some people come to a dry spell in their relationship not finding their spouse as appealing sexually as they once had, the temptations of extramarital affairs might come to mind, divorce, resentment and blame, or even depression.

It's important to reel yourself back to the heart of marriage which hopefully wasn't based solely on sexual attraction but on genuine love and devotion. My hope too is that you are married to your very best friend and meant every single word of your marriage vows. During those times in your married life when there are dry spells, it's important that you view your spouse as your best friend; someone you would never dream of hurting or betraying. This person should be seen as your ally and not your enemy.

While my husband and I were going through our process of adoption and brief journey into fertility hopes as well, the stress and emotions made our relationship far from that of fireworks and romance. What may have caused division in some marriages actually strengthened ours. The reason was not that we didn't have sexual needs, but we saw our marriage vows tested, "for better or for worse." We knew we would pass this "test" because we were both determined to.

My dad used to consistently remind me that marriage is not fifty-fifty, but one hundred percent-one hundred percent. Both need to give their all in the relationship. My suggestion to those who find their flame is gone, is to start rekindling from the very beginning again. Don't be stupid and throw away a potentially great marriage! Seek marriage or individual counseling if you need. Let your spouse know that you're struggling; you love them, and are going to work on falling in love with them all over again. Stop being self-centered and put your spouse's needs above your own and hopefully, this will be reciprocated. Start dating your spouse; find areas of common interest as well as hobbies for yourself. Tell your spouse every day that you love them. Every night tell them something good you noticed about them. As much as you are able, try to meet each other's sexual needs.

I believe dry spells in marriage are pretty common. If this is the case in your marriage, please don't give up. Take any thoughts of infidelity into captivity and be a man or woman of your word considering your vows.

Please check out my Christian blog series on marriage:

Marriage Series Intro

Husbands Love Your Wives

Wives Submit to Your Husbands

Vows and Divorce

Holding a Crown Over Your Spouse's Head

Marrying Your Best Friend

Intimacy in Marriage

Melissa is a Families.com Christian Blogger. Read her blogs at: http://members.families.com/mj7/blog

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brystro (299) 17 Nov 2006 12:00 PM

Great advice (although I know this already :) I think the problems today are people are more narcissistic and tend to 'do what feels good'. Instead of actually taking responsibility and trying to work at a relationship/marriage (yes it takes daily work), divorce is much more of an easier way out. This is just my opinion.