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Quelling Irrational Romantic Expectations

I have a secret shame: sometimes I expect or want traditional fluffy romance from Jonathan. Yes, it’s a shocker, given how often I soap box against it. The thing is I shouldn’t be ashamed of these occasional urges. The mature response would be that, although most of the time it’s not something I consider necessary or even want, if I believe it’s valid for other people (which I do) I should have no problem accepting that it’s O.K. when I want it, too. I would feel that way if it wasn’t for the form in which these desires for traditional … Continue reading →

Holidays, Travel, and Family Expectations

Holidays can be tricky for anyone, in any family situation. Married couples without kids, however, face a special conundrum: with whom to spend the day(s)? Again, this can be tough for anyone, but childless marrieds face a particular pressure: you don’t have kids, so it falls to you to drive sometimes long distances to attend the family get-together. Of course that returns us to the initial question: with whose family do we spend the holidays? We pick one side of the family for Thanksgiving and the other for Easter, because Jon’s parents and my parents live far enough away from … Continue reading →

Making Valentine’s Day Simple

Valentine’s Day was definitely a family affair for me. Of course, my daughter does have a boyfriend, so she received some extra gifts. But for the most part we made this a family occasion. I’m not the “romantic” type when it comes to Valentine’s Day. Actually, I’m not very romantic at any other time either. I am more about loving on my whole family for this holiday. So when everyone woke up in the morning, there was a card and candy waiting for them. I got the humongous-sized Hershey bars for my children and Swedish Fish for my husband. But … Continue reading →

No Expectations for Me on Valentine’s Day

Valentine’s Day is just around the corner. Are you already setting yourself up with certain expectations? Perhaps you have dropped some hints to your spouse or come right out and said what you would like. The thing with Valentine’s Day is that it can actually become very “me” focused when it is supposed to be about the one you love. When we think about this day where we celebrate love, we should be putting effort into how we can express it toward our spouse…not what they can do for us. Personally, I don’t make a very big deal about Valentine’s … Continue reading →

Scripted Romance

Many years ago I let my husband off the hook—the one where he gets hung up for failing to come through on Valentine’s Day.  I used to have lots of expectations until I began to realize something….his love for me is shown on a daily basis.  So why expect him to do something extravagant one day a year? Now, I’m not knocking those couples who go all out for Valentine’s Day.  Maybe it’s the fact we’ve been married for more than two decades or it could be we have grown too comfortable—who knows? I just know that my husband feels … Continue reading →

Ditching the Husband to Hang with the In-Laws

The in-laws can be a dreaded part of the marriage experience, for some more so than others, and especially for the wife facing her husband’s family. I’ve had a little tension with Jonathan’s relatives, but overall my experience with them has been overwhelmingly positive. In fact, I don’t always need Jonathan around as a “buffer” or even just as an excuse, to spend time with his relatives. Jon’s part of a big family so there are a number of people with whom for me to interact. I first really hit it off with his older sister. We’re very similar in … Continue reading →

Friendship: the Foundation of Marriage

Last week my husband and I made cookies for breakfast. It is supposed to be healthier to eat a batch of cookies, or really any dessert, early in the morning rather than later at night. This way we have more time to burn off those extra calories. That’s not why we made them, though. We made them because the night before I’d experimented with making Pasta Puttanesca (not bad, though I think in the future I’d just swap the anchovies for tuna), and its smell still hung around the kitchen. I figured the best way to get rid of it … Continue reading →

One-Sided Romance

Valentine’s Day has come and passed, but this year it really made me start thinking about romance. I’m sure that’s in part because I now officially write about love and marriage. But as the ads on television and the radio were dedicated to talking about getting gifts for the holiday, as friends posted pictures and comments on their Facebook pages about what their husbands got them or the frantic lines of men in department stores and flower shops on the day, I really began to wonder: why is romance so one-sided? Think about it: usually when we think about something … Continue reading →

My Unconventional Valentine’s History

Valentine’s Day is just around the corner, but as you might be able to guess, Jon and I don’t really do anything for Valentine’s Day. The holiday does mean one thing: candy hearts. The weeks leading up to Valentine’s Day are the only time of the year I can find them. Their close companion Necco Wafers just aren’t the same. So I suppose one might say Jon gets me a Valentine’s Day present, because he usually buys me candy hearts. However, even this practice has two exceptions that probably exclude it as a Valentine’s celebration. First: Jon usually brings home … Continue reading →

I Love February

I love February. Every year it reminds me that Spring is right around the corner. I’ve always looked forward to spring and summer. As a single mom summer seemed easier than the school year. There were no buses to catch, homework to oversee, or bedtimes to enforce. Spring was always a wonderful time of new beginnings and longer days, more daylight hours to spend with my daughter. Somehow the shorter days of winter seemed really, shorter, like there were fewer hours and so much more to do. So for me, February is a time of anticipation. Money is generally tight … Continue reading →