Negative Feelings toward Stepchildren, Part II

by Sherry Holetzky | More from this Blogger

Another issue when it comes to stepchildren is not knowing exactly how you're supposed to feel. As a parent, you may assume that you are automatically supposed to love all children. However, no one automatically loves all people, and that unfortunately includes children. Of course, developing love for your stepchildren should be your goal, but that doesn't mean you'll instantly have such feelings. All loving relationships take time to develop.

You may also find that you're trying too hard. You may feel as if you have to get along with the children all the time, or else you are doing something wrong. Heck, we don't even get along with our own kids, blood relatives, or friends all the time. People are going to disagree and be at odds at least occasionally.

Trying to force warm feelings is not honest or healthy. However, by taking some time to get to know your stepchildren, you may find that you have some things in common. If possible, try to spend some one-on-one time with children and get to know them as individuals. Every child is uniquely different, so if you adapt the way that you interact with them and treat them as individuals instead of collectively as "the kids," you may find that them to be more accepting of you as an individual.

Think about what it was like when you were a child. How would you have felt under similar circumstances? Maybe you grew up in a similar situation and you can use that knowledge to help improve your relationship with your stepchildren.

As noted in Part I of this series, the relationship is going to be even more difficult if one or both of their biological parents is distant. Children who can't even trust their own parent are going to have a more difficult time learning to trust a stepparent, so try not to take it personally. Try to show the children that they can trust you and that you do care about them. Love will come in time if you actively work to make it happen.

*Please, check back for Part III.

Related Reading:

Thoughts Lead to Actions

Marriage Tips: Forgiveness

Learn more about Sherry Holetzky

Sherry Holetzky is a work at home mom and freelance writer. Married to her best friend, Sherry and her husband are raising their family in a quiet rural setting in the beautiful Ozark Mountains.

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