Men: The Weaker Sex?

by Courtney Mroch | More from this Blogger

12 Oct 2008 11:39 AM

Before I begin, I just want to say that, even though the title might suggest otherwise, this article isn't intended to be a slam against men. Rather, it's just some reflections on things I've seen regarding boyfiends and husbands over the past 10 years during my stint as a stay-at-home wife.

Not that I've had all sorts of relationships with other men. But I've had lots and lots of talks with my women friends. It was when I was living in Jacksonville that I noticed a pattern forming where our husbands were concerned. And ever since I noticed it, I see it in almost every relationship I encounter now.

Women May Be the Fairer Sex, but Not the Weaker One

As a gender, women may be hard-pressed to demonstrate the same physical strength as men, but we certainly suck up pain better. Physical pain as well as emotional.

It's not that men turn into blubbering babies when they're hurt, get sick, or find that things aren't going their way, but they certainly pout. No self-respecting woman would pout for half the reasons men do.

Worse, when something's wrong with a man, they expect all sorts of concessions.

For example, I've seen it time and time again when a husband's got a cold. The husband either hibernates in cave mode, or expects the wife to be his personal nurse. Yet, when a wife gets sick, unless it's something that's completely knocked her off her feet and she absolutely can't move, she's expected to maintain her rounds. Without grumbling.

I've said it before and I'll say it again: I wish someone would create a pill to give a man a full blown case of PMS for one day. I'm convinced it would not only give them new appreciation for what we suck up every month, but would also make them a little more empathetic the next time we complain about cramps, hormones, bloating, etc.

Men Demand More Attention, and, Therefore, Need More Work

Something Oprah's guest M. Gary Neuman said when he appeared on her "Why Men Cheat" series, and something which I touched on when examining if it's possible to affair-proof a marriage, is that, by nature, men are takers and women are givers.

This means that men not only think the world revolves around them, but they expect others to understand this too. Their needs are paramount, and therefore, come before all others. Their way must surely be the best way. A really short way to sum this up in a nutshell is to call them what they are: selfish.

Again, this is not a slam. Being selfish isn't always necessarily some great evil. Because on the flip side of that coin you have selfless, which is where most women, being more inclined to be pleasers/givers, fall. (And which can be every bit as bad as being selfish.)

However, there is a bit of a double-standard when it comes to attention. Women can go days, weeks, months or even years without much attention. (Sadly, "years" is not an extreme, out of the norm scenario. In many cases it is the norm in many marriages.) Husbands forget birthdays, anniversaries, don't show much interest in his wife's hobbies or work, etc. because he's too absorbed doing his own thing. What do wives do? Roll with it. (To a certain extent. When we have time, we do let them know they're slacking.)

But what happens when that scenario's reversed and the wife is starving her husband for attention? It's the main reason so many men stray. (The most recent example of such a case is Peter Cook.)

Why This Is Not a Slam

Whether we got to be the ways we are via nature or nurture, as a species we're designed to go together. His yang taker ways work with our yin giver ways to compliment each other.

And these are generalized statements I'm making. There are men who got more of the giver gene than the taker, and women who worry more about themselves than anyone else.

This is just my take on understanding the male human brain. Because you know those married women friends of mine in Jacksonville I referred to at the start of this blog? Many of them had 30 and 40 years of marriage under their belts. They knew their husbands were "weaker." (Though they'd never dare admit that to anyone but their girlfriends and certainly not their husbands. They knew their man's ego would be damaged for days and would demand exorbitant TLC. To spare themselves that drama, they kept hush.)

What they did instead was love them despite the flaws. And, while sometimes their husbands' egos and lack of attention could be exasperating, they new how to laugh about those flaws. (And, when necessary, how to seek out a sympathetic ear to help remind them of the humor in it all.)

Hmmm...I guess that's another one for the "marriage is..." and "lasting marriage secrets" file.

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Learn more about Courtney Mroch

Courtney Mroch is a wife, a proud pet parent, and a writer. She's been with her husband, high school sweetheart Wayne Pryor, over 20 years, married 11 of those. She's "mom" to Mr. Meow, a.k.

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Samual (11722) 12 Oct 2008 11:45 AM

Men are extremely genetically inferior to women.

Courtney Mroch (9169) 12 Oct 2008 05:22 PM

Samual, you are perhaps the most gracious commenter Families.com has. I actually had in mind that you might be one to give me a run for my money on this blog, but you let me off easy. THANKS!

Jade Walker (964) 12 Oct 2008 05:28 PM

I'm more of an equalist, I guess. Both genders have strengths and weaknesses; as such I don't see one as stronger or weaker than the other.

Courtney Mroch (9169) 12 Oct 2008 05:35 PM

I wish I was that way, Jade. I used to be. Somewhere along the way I've become biased and jaded. (And that's not to take your name in vain or use it inappropriately. I can't think of a synonym at the moment! ;)

Jade Walker (964) 12 Oct 2008 07:02 PM

Perhaps the key is to surround yourself with more men. Most of my closest friends are men, so I hear their worldview more than those who only have women friends. If all the women around you spend their time [CENSORED]ing about the men in their lives, without highlighting their strengths, it's easy to become "biased" or "jaded."

Courtney Mroch (9169) 13 Oct 2008 06:45 AM

Aw, they don't always big itch about their men. And really I have more men friends than girlfriends thanks to volleyball. But even when they (my guy friends) talk about themselves and their relaitionships, I see it. However, perhaps because I'm looking for it and wanting it to be that way now that I think that's how things are. What's that called...like a self-fulfilling prophecy, but I think there's another name for it.

And don't get me wrong. I'm no man basher. Men are great and I DO believe they have their strengths too. I don't think women are necessarly superior. But I do think we're stronger in some areas than men. But the vice versa also holds true.

parecl01 (5) 06 Sep 2009 12:53 PM

You have definately hit the nail on the head with this one. I've only now started to realize how much my wife does for our family and how much other wives do for their families, even if we husbands are less than appreciative. I read this and I have been just like the guys you described. My wife has sacrificed a lot for our family and has done a lot to get where she is in life. Not only does she have a family to take care of, but she works, making more than I do, and she's taking classes to finish up her major. I know a lot of women like this, including single moms that are basically doing it on their own. I read an article somewhere that pointed this all out (and more) and came to the conclusion that men really need women more than women need men! It cited statistic showing that married men were on average, healthier, happier, and less aggressive, violent, or dangerous. than single men their age. For women, there were really no differences found between single and married women.

ThomasA (5) 11 Oct 2009 01:15 AM

Are you serious? Did you make these 'observations' as you claim, or have you been watching too many sitcoms? These are the same old jokes you hear on tired stand up. There is no weaker sex. There are only weak people. Sure I might be a baby when I get sick, but my wife is too, believe me. You point out that women are givers. I've known a great number of selfless people of both sexes, but in my personal experience the most selfish people I've ever known have been female. I don't generalize the whole gender as selfish because of my limited experiences. These are the kinds of thoughts, well intentioned or not, that lead to bigotry.