Married with Children: Being the Bad Guy

by Sherry Holetzky | More from this Blogger

12 Jul 2006 05:22 AM

In households where one spouse is the main disciplinarian, the other spouse may begin to resent always being the bad guy. It is important for married couples to present a united front for their children, and to share child rearing decisions, even those that are unpleasant. No one wants to be the parent that always enforces the rules, gives out chores, or metes out discipline. It's not fair to make one person responsible for all the "dirty work."

Mothers and fathers both love their children, but both also want to be liked. We know we don't do our kids any favors when we allow them to behave in an acceptable way, but being the one that most often has to take charge, or say no, or push the kids a little harder, can really get old. We owe it to our spouses to share this responsibility.

If your husband or wife leaves discipline up to you in most cases, discuss this issue privately with him or her. Let your spouse know how you feel and what changes you would like to see. Also, check yourself. Are you the first one to say something or to jump up and run to settle disputes when your children bicker? You might be taking on more of the disciplinary role by your own actions than you realize.

The next time your kids get too loud, start arguing, or do something that is against the rules, wait. Give it a minute and see if your spouse responds. You may find that he or she has just gotten in the habit of letting you deal with things, simply because you are the first to react. Even if it's more than that, waiting may help. Unless the children are doing something really harmful, try to ignore the discord and wait to see what your spouse says or does.

Learn more about Sherry Holetzky

Sherry Holetzky is a work at home mom and freelance writer. Married to her best friend, Sherry and her husband are raising their family in a quiet rural setting in the beautiful Ozark Mountains.

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