Marriage Tips: Unrest

by Sherry Holetzky | More from this Blogger

29 Jul 2006 05:11 AM

Every married couple encounters problems, from small difficulties to life altering events. It's how each person, and the couple as a whole, deals with conflicts and turmoil that makes the difference between a strong marriage and one that is barely (if even) surviving.

Marital unrest can quickly lead to distance and to the temptation to look outside the marriage to have needs met. It can also lead one or both spouses to look for ways to end the marriage. Work through your problems, seek help if necessary, and try not to dwell on negative aspects that you cannot change. The happiest couples say that they never go to bed angry or upset.

But, what if you are just fed up? What if nothing seems to change and you really don't think things are going to get any better? Maybe you feel like you're the only one that ever tries to improve the marriage, and you're ready to give up.

Stop. Ask yourself some tough questions. Do you still love your spouse? Do you want the marriage to work? Are you really doing all you can to make things better?

Pressure, difficulties, financial problems, and a host of other issues can really take their toll on a marriage, but it's important to make sure that you separate the causes of your stress from your relationship. Is it really your spouse or your marriage that you want to get away from or is it all the strain that you are under? A change in lifestyle may be needed far more than a change of scenery.

Leaving your spouse or having an affair will not make problems go away. There will still be stress over many things, including bills, health problems, your kids, your home, and your job, and you will still have to deal with your spouse on many of these issues. The difference is you will have brought someone else into the fray, be it a lover or a lawyer. Either way, count on the strain being multiplied.

If unrest is creating distance between you and your spouse, try to find better ways to resolve problems together. Consider marriage counseling or debt counseling if money is the biggest culprit. Discuss problems without fighting. If things become heated, shelf that issue and agree to talk it over again when you are both calm.

If you feel your needs are not being met, confront your spouse in an honest way and see if there is a way to make things better without taking drastic measures. Marriage is a lifetime commitment that we promised to keep until the end of our lives. Honoring that commitment can be the most difficult challenge of your life, but it may also turn out to be the most rewarding.

Learn more about Sherry Holetzky

Sherry Holetzky is a work at home mom and freelance writer. Married to her best friend, Sherry and her husband are raising their family in a quiet rural setting in the beautiful Ozark Mountains.

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