Marriage Tips: Trustby Sherry Holetzky | More from this Blogger 29 Jul 2006 05:07 AM You cannot have a happy, healthy, lasting marriage without trust. There are so many issues, every day which require trust, that it just isn't possible to have a good relationship without it. From making childrearing choices and monetary decisions to believing that your spouse will be faithful, trust is an integral part of your connection to each other. Trust however is not automatic. It must be earned. Once earned, it must be protected. If you lose your husband or wife's trust, getting it back is far more difficult than it was to achieve it in the first place. Do not give your spouse reason to distrust you. Don't try to make him or her jealous or give your spouse cause to question your fidelity. Try to always deal with your spouse in an open, honest manner. On the other hand, being suspicious is not a very attractive quality either. Not only that, but suspicion breeds feelings of doubt and distrust. When you accuse your spouse although he or she has done nothing wrong, your mate may start to wonder if your suspicion is caused by feelings of guilt for your own actions. If your spouse has not given you any real reason for distrust, give him or her the benefit of the doubt. Keeping secrets is another good way to harm the trust you have built. Never keep secrets with your children or go behind your spouse's back to let them do something the other parent does not allow. Other secrets can also be damaging. Secrets from your past, friends you haven't told the other person about, or a little flirting online that you'd rather not discuss, can all lead to doubts. When you marry another person, you are basically putting the rest of your life in his or her hands. You want -you need- that person to someone that you trust implicitly, and you want him or her to feel the same way about you. Learn more about Sherry Holetzky  Sherry Holetzky is a work at home mom and freelance writer. Married to her best friend, Sherry and her husband are raising their family in a quiet rural setting in the beautiful Ozark Mountains. Relevantmarriage tags User Comments Angiepr (5) 23 Oct 2007 04:41 PMI agree!! My husband suffers from chronic cluster headaches, I have tension headaches occassionally, and I take Tramadol for them. My husband (5 times now) has taken over 1/2 of my pills and LIED to me about it, there is no trust on my side now, and I am in the middle of filing for a divorce.....with out trust there is nothing, and the funny thing...he knew from the start..."you lie to me, cheat on me, or steal from me...I am gone) I think 5 chances is plenty. jgraham5 (15) 06 Mar 2008 08:56 AMI agree with you about the trust issue. You cannot have a relationship without trust. The relationship cannot survive. When the trust begins to fail, there are different questions that come into the relationship. The worst thing is when the person really is not doing anything. I have a really close friend and his girlfriend does not trust him at all. This is bringing strain into their relationship. They just had a baby boy a couple of weeks ago and the last thing that they need to be worrying about is trust. With me being his friend, I have asked him if he really is doing something behind her back. He assures me that he has done nothing and has never done anything so he does not see any reason for why she does not trust him. They need to sit down and have a real talk, not an argument. However, I do not see this talk resolving anything and being positive. Communication is an art, and it takes lots of practice. She is so stuck on the idea of him cheating on her that anything he says goes in one ear and out of the other. He wants to call it quits sometimes, but I worry that one day, he will call it quits. Keep in mind I feel like he owes it to his son to try a little bit harder. That’s just my opinion. So what do you suggest they should do? Should he call it quits just to prove a point? Should he try and talk to her and make her understand his point? Sherry Holetzky (11404) 06 Mar 2008 02:23 PMJust my opinion... personally, I would never call it quits just to prove a point (especially with a new baby involved). It sounds like she is insecure. Perhaps she's not feeling very attractive (as many women don't when large and pregnant/recently gave birth) and reassurance may help. He may also need to have a very honest, frank discussion with her and let her know that the constant distrust pushes him away (before it pushes him away for good). You are right, communication is an art that takes practice and it can require a good deal of work and patience as well. I wish your friend the best. Thank you for commenting. Community Tags build trust in your marriage, don't make your spouse jealous, improve your marriage, marriage tips Discuss this article
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