Marriage Tips: Listening

by Sherry Holetzky | More from this Blogger

26 Jul 2006 05:36 AM

Listening is not a spectator's sport, it requires active participation. There is an art to being a good listener, and most people are not good listeners by nature. It is a skill that requires effort to develop. We think we listen, we hear some of the words, but we tend to worry more about what we want to say next, than we do about really learning what the other person is trying to communicate. Other communication skills will not do a bit of good, if you don't also learn to listen effectively.

Really listening also means making sure you understand what your spouse is expressing, not assuming that you know, and trying to come up with a solution while he or she finishes a sentence. Be prepared to stop, repeat the statement or question in your own words, and make sure that you do in fact understand.

Listening can also mean just being there to let your husband or wife vent. You don't necessarily have to offer a solution. Just acknowledge what was said, and ask if there is anything you can do to help. Offer to give advice, only if the other person is open to it. Sometimes your spouse just needs to know that you get it, that you support him or her, but that doesn't necessarily mean that your mate is looking for your counsel.

As you develop greater listening skills, you'll probably be better able to recognize these moments as opposed to those in which he or she is seeking discussion, debate, or advice.

Let your husband or wife know that the issue is important to you because it is important to him or her, even if you don't agree with the viewpoint. Don't try to analyze, just do your best to be a good listener. Listen not just with your ears but also with your heart.

Learn more about Sherry Holetzky

Sherry Holetzky is a work at home mom and freelance writer. Married to her best friend, Sherry and her husband are raising their family in a quiet rural setting in the beautiful Ozark Mountains.

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