Marriage Myths - Let's Chat

by Heather Long | More from this Blogger

26 May 2007 09:57 AM

It's Saturday morning and it's time to take it easy for the weekend. My daughter asked me today why don't I ever take a holiday? The library was taking a holiday today - in fact it's taking a holiday for the entire weekend. So she wanted to know why we never took holidays too. I don't know why I'm telling you this story, except that it illustrates the problem we have when we make assumptions about things.

One of the things we make assumptions about are the marriage tales we hear or the urban legends that surround marriage. Although, urban legend might be going a bit far - still here are a few of my favorite marriage myths:

• If you argue with your spouse, you don't have a good marriage
• If you have to plan or schedule time together, you don't have a good marriage
• If you don't have sex spontaneously, you don't have a good marriage
• If you can't read your spouse's mind and understand what is going on at all times, you don't have a good marriage
• If you are not intensely romantic, you don't have a good marriage
• If you don't get along with your in laws, you don't have a good marriage

What a Good Marriage Is

That list borders on the silly, but these are still the thoughts that go through your head. I've seen relationships end because the spouses simply didn't have time for each other and it never occurred to them to make time. A friend of mine, we'll call her Heidi, was going through a divorce last year. Their cause of action was irreconcilable differences. When they went before a judge, the judge actually asked them to list what the irreconcilable differences were.

The only answer either one could come up with is that they never had time together. They were always busy. He was always at work. She was always busy with the kids and their social engagements. The judge asked if they had tried marriage counseling or attempted to adjust their schedules to create windows of opportunities - they both looked blank.

The judge then recommended that they undergo 8 weeks of marital counseling that they would both HAVE to make time for.

Do you know, they didn't get a divorce? In fact, the counseling time was so successful that they have maintained those hours for each other ever since and they are expecting another child. Marriage myths are just that, they are myths. You can't let a myth decide for you, you have to decide for yourself. If you think your marriage is in trouble because you spend no time together --- then make time for each other and make it happen.

What marriage myths can you debunk?

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Learn more about Heather Long

Heather Long is 35 years old and currently lives in Wylie, Texas. She has been a freelance writer for six years. Her husband and she met while working together at America Online over ten years ago.

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Julie Gentry (5915) 26 May 2007 10:58 PM

Good blog, Heather. I think couples who DON'T argue have worse marriages -- someone is always giving in.

Heather Long (16954) 27 May 2007 07:39 AM

Not a bad point to make. Arguments can be very healthy, it's just important to avoid the name-calling and assumption that you know what your spouse is going to say. I've found that if you really listen, even when you're arguing, you have a better chance of clearing the air and stepping it down from an argument to a heated discussion or just a discussion.