Marriage: Hush up and Listenby Sherry Holetzky | More from this Blogger 26 Nov 2006 06:25 AM Have you ever been trying to get something off your chest, just for the sake of release and a little understanding, only to have your spouse not only interrupt you, but also start blurting out solutions to your problem? Have you ever just wanted to shout, "Will you hush up and just listen?" Many times in our relationships, we aren't necessarily seeking advice, just some support. We want to vent, we want someone to respond in the affirmative, but we don't necessarily want ideas or solutions. Sometimes we do, sure, but those other times it's creeping around in the back of your mind, "Will you hush up and just listen?" Well, guess what? You might just have to express that sentiment instead of simply thinking it. Of course, there are better, more sensitive -and more effective- ways to say it, but nonetheless, it may come down to letting your spouse know. It can be very frustrating instead of comforting when somebody talks over you, tells you what to think, feel, or say, or tells you what you should have done in the situation you're trying to describe. If you find that this is a problem, tell your spouse. Here are some gentler ways to tell your spouse what you need: "Honey, I really just need to let this out, but the solution is something I need to come up with on my own." "Sometimes, I just need to vent, and all I need is your ear for a few minutes and your arm around me." "Sweetie, I know you mean well, but I'm just thinking out loud. I'm not really asking for answers." You might still be thinking, "Will you hush up and just listen?" but it will come out softer and nicer, and in a way that is less likely to put your spouse on the defensive. Related articles: Learn more about Sherry Holetzky  Sherry Holetzky is a work at home mom and freelance writer. Married to her best friend, Sherry and her husband are raising their family in a quiet rural setting in the beautiful Ozark Mountains. Relevantmarriage tags User Comments Nola Redd (7081) 26 Nov 2006 12:30 PMAnother suggestion: print this out and leave it for my dh to find. Insist he read it. Beat him over the head with it. I remember reading somewhere, in some marriage book, that women are 'wired' to review the problem and offer each other moral support, wheras men tend to take the problem-solving approach. So that's something to remember - not that I ever remember it when I'm trying to vent, LOL. Sherry Holetzky (11404) 29 Nov 2006 06:51 AMLOL. :o) We are definitely wired differently. Men are (supposed to) be the logical ones, so naturally they want to help. If they'd only "help" when asked, it would be great. I'm sure they could also list some things they'd like us to do differently... ccaruso (10) 01 Dec 2006 09:29 AMYou're right NOLA, that was discussed in Men are from Mars...Women are from Venus by John Gray. He discussed how men are problem solvers, and when women are just looking to talk about their day, men will try to fix every problem that is discussed. Men, he explained, will not talk about their issues unless they are actually seeking a fix. So, according to John Gray, you should do just the opposite with men, help them think through their dillemas and find a solution. Not sure if that's the case with all men, but I know it works that way with MY husband. :) Sherry Holetzky (11404) 01 Dec 2006 11:24 AMCCaruso, I think you've hit on another important point that we try to address here regularly. While there are issues that seem common to each gender... every husband, wife, and every relationship is unique. Community Tags advice, communication, listening, support Discuss this article
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