Marriage Counseling is a Processby Heather Long | More from this Blogger 24 Mar 2006 07:00 PM I've read lots of things about marriage counseling and I've even been to it with my husband. Once upon a time, I thought admitting that we needed a counselor meant we were just delaying the inevitable. After all, if you need a counselor - well you must not have much of a marriage. Occasionally I am prone to real bouts of stupidity and insecurity. Thinking about marriage counseling in that light is a demonstration of those feelings. Seeking out a marriage counselor may be an indicator that you need help, but it also shows you are willing to get it. When we went to see a counselor, it wasn't because we were postponing the inevitable, it's because we didn't want a divorce. We just didn't know how to make things better between us. Marriage counseling taught us several valuable lessons. The first one was that for two intensely talkative people in communication fields - our communication was TERRIBLE. By learning more effective communication techniques, we were able to talk out issues before they became problems. We learned that some assumptions were ridiculous and we learned how to ask for the things we want. I used to think that if someone loved you - they should be able to show it. Sure, they do. But they don't always do it in the ways you want them to. So if they aren't living up to your expectations, it may be that you need to describe what your expectations were and tell them the ways you want to be shown. It can be as simple as that. Marriage counseling does only what you allow it to do. It takes both of you listening to each other and working together to make it work for you. Marriage counseling is a process that helps you both negotiate the rocky patches. It works because you want it to work. Sometimes, you need new avenues to help you negotiate out of the gridlock of issues, problems and the rest of the world. So don't ever think consulting a marriage counselor is a symptom that your marriage is ending - it's a proactive choice that can help you recover your marriage and build it up in the image you both want. Learn more about Heather Long  Heather Long is 35 years old and currently lives in Wylie, Texas. She has been a freelance writer for six years. Her husband and she met while working together at America Online over ten years ago. Relevantmarriage tags User Comments onlinemarriagecounselor (5) 14 Oct 2008 03:17 PMI liked reading this article. Marriage counseling is indeed a process. Many people see marriage counseling as something where an expert is going to give them an instant fix. Counseling can be brief, but real change happens after a process of facilitating change. I must also add that sometimes "miracles" do happen in counseling and that most of the time it is not from the on the spot advice of a counselor. (www.onlinecounseling-marriagecounseling.org) Marriagelove.net Onlinecounseling-marriagecounseling.org Community Tags communication, counseling, marriage, marriage counseling, marriage therapy, relationships, relationship counseling, spousal communication Discuss this article
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