Marriage and Money: Resenting Your Spouse

by Mary Ann Romans | More from this Blogger

21 Jan 2009 11:12 AM

This morning, I was busy monitoring an overly full stock pot that represents at least another two family meals that will will get out of a chicken that we bought on sale. I was boiling the picked clean bones to make some chicken stock that will then be turned into chicken noodle soup. The soup, along with a small salad and some bread will make a very frugal meal for us.

As I was doing this, my eldest son came in to tell me exactly how much the father of one of his school mates makes each week. Knowing the father's job and the family's lifestyle, it seemed pretty accurate. It was also a lot more than my son's father, my own spouse, makes. This might easily set up an opportunity for resentment. After all, why can't my spouse make that much or even somewhere in between the difference? Why should I have to economize everywhere?

But you see, there is no need for that resentment at all, for a few very good reasons. The first is that my spouse is not solely responsible for our money or our income. As a non-dependent human being, I have no right to resent someone else when I am equally capable of earning money. How could I dare to put that sort of responsibility on someone else who has chosen to be the major breadwinner in our family? The second is that we made our decisions about money together, as well as the decisions that influence our money such as where we would live, having children together, whether to send those children to daycare, etc.

Money is often a source of resentment between spouses. Maybe one spouse is a spender and the other a saver. Maybe one made a purchase without consulting the other. Or maybe one forgot to pay a bill. Look out for these areas of possible resentment. Understand where the resentment is coming from and how you can turn it around before it causes problems in your marriage.

Mary Ann Romans writes about everything related to saving money in the Frugal Blog, creating a home in the Home Blog, caring for little ones in the Baby Blog and now relationships in the Marriage Blog. You can read more of her articles by clicking here.

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Learn more about Mary Ann Romans

Mary Ann Romans is a freelance writer, wife and mother of three children. She lives in Pennsylvania with her husband, the kids and a 16-pound cat.

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