Search Results for: blog marriage and fighting fair

Handling Disagreements

I can handle small disagreements. We can usually move past them and get on with life. But it’s when we disagree about bigger issues that it can become problematic. Especially when neither one of us is willing to budge. Through the course of our married life, we have learned something about disagreements. They should end up going one of three directions. The first is that we agree to disagree and either table the disagreement for another time or let it go altogether. It depends on how significant the issue is. For instance, I wanted to move for a long time. … Continue reading →

Fair Fighting

When my husband and I disagree on something, I don’t like to use the phrase, “We got into a fight.” That makes it sound like one of those knock-down, drag-out arguments that can quickly spiral out-of-control. Thankfully those days are long behind us. We are too mature—okay, maybe it’s really that we are too tired—as middle-aged adults to engage in that type of warfare. And I can’t even really call our disagreements “arguing” because that sounds like two people going at it verbally. We don’t even do that anymore. – Now we have what I call “discussions.” Oh sure, sometimes … Continue reading →

Gay Marriage Debate Rages

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I moved from North Carolina almost a year and a half ago, but I still have many good friends there. Two days ago, North Carolina said “No thanks” to same-sex marriage by passing Amendment One. In case you’ve been in a coma the few weeks, Amendment One reads “Marriage between one man and one woman is the only domestic legal union that shall be valid or recognized.” The amendment was passed by a vote of 61 percent for and 39 percent against. Before we go bashing North Carolina, let me say that it is just one of many states that … Continue reading →

Blundering into Fights — And Getting Back Out

Do you ever sometimes feel like you’ve somehow stumbled into a fight and are not sure how it happened? When we go looking to pick fights we know what we’re up to, but sometimes it seems like all of a sudden we’re fighting with someone and we’re not exactly sure how it happened. This can happen between any two people but it’s certainly common in a marriage, just given that married couples are two people who spend so much time together. The silver lining of picked fights is that, although when we go looking to start one we’re not exactly … Continue reading →

How to Fight Fairly

Marriage comes with arguments even with the most loving couples. Two separate people have two separate opinions sometimes. Fighting while not pleasant isn’t necessarily bad for you marriage, as long as you fight fair. Here are some tips. Never Hit Below the Belt As the person closest to your spouse, you have some a pretty lethal arsenal of weaponry that you could potentially throw at your spouse in times of anger. But hitting below the belt on sensitive topics will only betray the trust your spouse has for you, not win the argument. It is tactics such as these that … Continue reading →

“Right Fighters” = Marriage Saboteurs

Yesterday I talked about how, among other things, the season for fighting is upon us. I also ended the article saying I’d examine some ways to fight fairly to ensure any fights you might have this holiday season are good ones, not just big ones –or, more importantly, rehashed ones. I’m actually going to start off by telling you a way not to fight. It has to do with the following quote and an article I wrote several months back about “Right Fighters”, a term I picked up from Dr. Phil. Attachment to being right creates suffering. When you have … Continue reading →

‘Tis the Season for Fighting

While Hallmark and Kay Jewelers commercials may try and lead us to believe this is a season of receiving romantic gifts and creating peaceful memories, anyone involved in a real-life relationship knows this can be a season for anything but blissful moments. The holidays add stress. There are extra errands to run, gifts to buy, parties to attend, and schedules to shuffle. Yes, amidst the chaos there are happy times or else no one would sign up for the seasonal celebrations year after year, but there’s also the potential for plenty of chaos and short fuses –and I don’t just … Continue reading →

Marriage Week in Review: June 9 – June 15

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This week Heather and I have written sole on marriage topics. Courtney has taken some time off from writing this week while she tends to her mother. We hope to have her back in action before long! Monday, June 9 “When Good People Have Affairs” This article discusses a new book that actually finds a positive side about affairs. The book has caused some controversy among the world of the married. Never Fess Up to an Affair? This article continues the discussion about the book listed above. In the book the author suggests that people not confess to having an … Continue reading →

Do Certain Movies Make Your Husband Cry?

I have been asking Wayne (begging really) to take me to see Atonement for weeks now, and this weekend he finally did. He did not want to see this movie. For one, he doesn’t like “period” movies. Meaning most things set in the past. He especially hates anything set in the 1800s. (“I’m not watching any of that 1800 crap” is a favorite saying of his.) Atonement was not of 1800 vintage. It was set during the twentieth century, specifically around World War II. (World War II era films are acceptable in Wayne’s book.) But the other reason he dragged … Continue reading →

Do Fairy Tales Exist in the Congo?

Anderson Cooper’s breaking my heart. Last month I watched an episode of 60 Minutes where he reported on the possibility of a world without gorillas because of all the unrest in the Congo. Well, gorillas aren’t the only ones whose lives are in danger and experiencing massive upheaval. Last night Anderson Cooper reported about the women of the Congo and all the suffering they’re enduring. “It is, in fact, a war against women, and the weapon used to destroy them, their families and whole communities, is rape.” ~-60 Minutes-~ He told about the unbelievable violence women in villages endure at … Continue reading →