Marriage Advice: 5 Habits to Give Up

by Heather Long | More from this Blogger

15 Jan 2007 08:30 AM

When it comes to making our marriages better and successful, we're always looking for more information and methods that will allow us to improve our own relationships. For all the advice we may offer to others, we are the greatest audience for this information.

I admit that I feel the same way, more often as not, when I write these blogs, I am looking at how the information could be applied to my own marriage. There is wisdom in the notion that we can always learn more about each other and that we can always learn better ways to communicate and more.

Keeping that wisdom in mind, here are 5 habits that are worth giving up in an effort to improve our marriages and the ways in which we communicate with each other:

• The Logical Solution - Have you ever felt so frustrated with someone because they accuse you of not being logical? Emotions are not always logical, they do not always follow a logical progression and they may not always have a logical reasoning - relying on logic as a way to refute your spouse's arguments or to rebuke their feelings can communicate the idea that their feelings are unimportant, logic has it's place, but the compassionate marriage accepts that feelings are what they are and respects them without forcing them to account for themselves logically
• Avoid Being Unilateral in your Decision Making - There are plenty of times in our relationships where we are called upon to make a decision quickly and one that will be binding on both spouses, so it's best to avoid making those kind of decisions on larger matters - particularly those dealing with financial investments and children, in a marriage, you should never take the choice away from your spouse
• Closing the Door on Discussions - When we close the door on some issues, stating that we won't talk about it ever again, we are not resolving the matter nor are we solving it - instead we are bottling it up like the proverbial genie that is just waiting to surprise us - and often unpleasantly at that
• Power Plays - Winning because you are louder, meaner or simply uglier about how you want to get your way does not a healthy marriage make. When you play the power trip game, you are more interested in your own ego than you are in your relationship or your spouse
• Passive Aggressive Surrender - This may sound odd, but being passive aggressive in the manner in how you concede an argument or disagreement point is not going to do your marriage any good. Playing the martyr may allow you to justify hidden resentments, but it's also far more likely to keep you in a state of defensiveness and upset, which is not healthy for a relationship either

Do you recognize any habits here in your own marriage? If you do, you might consider a change in thought and habit --- you and your marriage will be better for it.

Related Articles:

Marriage - A Meeting of the Minds

When Was the Last Time You Went Out Together?

Rules of Romance

5 Ways to Reconnect in Your Marriage

Learn more about Heather Long

Heather Long is 35 years old and currently lives in Wylie, Texas. She has been a freelance writer for six years. Her husband and she met while working together at America Online over ten years ago.

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Clarissa Adkins (231) 15 Jan 2007 02:33 PM

Heather, I really enjoyed this article because it included very specific advice. It's always nice to read about approaches that will help us get through the rough patches.

Jeff Bogle (1022) 16 Jan 2007 09:30 AM

Oh boy, The logical solution is SO me. I always look to and promote the logical approach to problem solving. I tend to strip emotions out of just about everything, because I can, and get down to business: a kind of business-like, roll up the sleeves and work it out type of thing. This, more often than not, drived my wife batty. I am getting better becoming a bit more emotional and she the opposite. We are trying to meet somewhere in the middle. It has been 8 years together and the results are positive. But it will always be a work in progress.