Make Yourself Trustworthy

by Heather Long | More from this Blogger

27 May 2006 02:00 PM

Trust is one of those words that rolls off the tongue easily, but is harder to frame in an emotional definition. Trust is a sensation. It's an experience. It's a knowledge. Trust is very much linked with faith in that you put your belief into it - but trust also has tangible results.

Initially, we learn to trust those who validate us. We trust those who live up to our expectations, who show us consideration and who prove to us they can be trustworthy.

We learn to distrust those who treat us as an adversary in a competition. We distrust those who emphasize being right over all other points. We distrust those who invalidate our opinions because they do not share them. We distrust those who prove they cannot be trusted.

So how do you make yourself trustworthy? How can you be all the things in column A and none of the things in column B?

My answer to this is framed in very specific marriage terms and it's a very personal answer for me. How I make myself trustworthy may not be how you make yourself trustworthy, but it's definitely a starting point.

How I make myself trustworthy:

• I am reliable - as much as I hate that description of myself, my husband knows that if he asks me to take care of something, remind him of something or pick something up - I'll do it.
• I'm punctual - in fact, I hate being late so much I tend to get places ten to twenty minutes early - it guarantees us to be at the films, the restaurants and other commitments on time and it keeps my husband on time as well
• I say what I think - I don't make up some opinion - if I really don't like something, I'll say so. I rarely indulge in the white lie because it's easier. So he can trust me to say what I think - even when he doesn't necessarily want to hear it
• I listen - even when I do not understand and even when I ask him to repeat a statement or I pick apart a statement, I am expressing my need to understand - I don't invalidate his feelings even when I don't agree with them - that's been a huge step for us
• I keep private what is private - yes, I vent to friends, I'll even write about it here - but what is private to him, what is valued as privacy to him, I keep to myself so he can trust me to keep his personal stuff personal and not on display for everyone

In these ways, I demonstrate my trustworthy ability. It is not a perfect system, nor is it how it works for everyone. But I trust my husband to be who he is, good and bad and he trusts me to be the same. Even as we grow and change, the trust may rock a little - but we fall back onto these basic premises every time.

Learn more about Heather Long

Heather Long is 35 years old and currently lives in Wylie, Texas. She has been a freelance writer for six years. Her husband and she met while working together at America Online over ten years ago.

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Michele Cheplic (37414) 27 May 2006 09:58 PM

Great article!

Heather Long (16954) 28 May 2006 06:10 AM

Thanks Michele! Trust is one of those hard issues.

Rev. Robert Crutchfield (165) 28 May 2006 07:27 AM

I would add be consistent to the list. If you establish a pattern in your behavior with a person, departing from that pattern can raise questions in their mind.