Long Engagements: Yay or Nay?by Mary Ann Romans | More from this Blogger 28 Jul 2009 12:09 PM What do you think of long engagements? Well, actually, what do you consider a long engagement to be? One year, three years? Ten years? I've known couples that have all been engaged for those periods of time. And while the standard seems to be a year and a half, it is not unusual for engagements to last longer than this. Are long engagements a good thing? There are a few reasons that couples decide to have a long engagement. The first, believe it or not, is to give the couple time to be able to plan out their dream wedding. If you want to make sure that everything is perfectly the way you want it, a longer engagement may give you that opportunity. I'm all for focusing on the marriage instead of the ceremony, so I would personally vote "nay" here. Another reason is so the couple can get to know each other better. A longer engagement allows for the couple to spend additional time together and really make sure that they want to get married. They may also use this time to take advantage of pre-marital counseling. In my opinion, the couple should be really sure that they want to spend the rest of their lives together before they become engaged. If there is any doubt, then a proposal shouldn't be made or accepted. If a couple wants the acknowledgment that they have reached a new level of seriousness, then they could always consider a pre-engagement, complete with a small ring or other gift. You guessed it, another "nay" from me. Finally, a couple might consider a long engagement in order to put their finances in order. They may want to save for a home, combine their investments and create a financial plan for how they are going to deal with their money. I think this is a great idea. The pitfall here, of course, is to not have finite goals. Saying that you will save $40,000 for a down payment on a house is preferable to saying you will save for a home. Otherwise you may find that the engagement never ends. So here I give my only "yay." How do your answers compare? You can read more blog posts by Mary Ann Romans here! Related Articles: Learn more about Mary Ann Romans  Mary Ann Romans is a freelance writer, wife and mother of three children. She lives in Pennsylvania with her husband, the kids and a 16-pound cat. Relevantmarriage tags User Comments Samual (11722) 28 Jul 2009 12:15 PMWe were engaged for 9 years before we got married, we couldn't afford to travel to the Netherlands to get married and then we generally couldn't afford anything, never mind £400 for a registry office. Samual (11722) 29 Jul 2009 05:36 AMIt was annoying mainly, we were quite hard up so we would put as much money away as we could for flights and accommodation, then when we were becoming really close to having enough, something would always come up, car repairs, boiler repairs the kind of things that always break down at the worst possible time. DrLinaman (5) 29 Jul 2009 11:23 AMGreat response. There are some potential benefits associated with a "long" engagement as you point out; however, I have worked with many couples who had long engagements due to the influence of unhealthy factors. For example, a fear of commitment, concern over the opinions of others regarding the marriage, unrealistic expectations, doubt, affection for another person, etc. Once a couple becomes engaged I recommend that they set a firm date for the wedding and that they both agree on the rationale associated with picking that date, especially if it is a year or more out.  Mary Ann Romans (26886) 05 Aug 2009 08:56 AMDRLINAMAN Thank you for the professional advice! Do you know if longer engagements are more or less likely to be broken? Do they have any influence over the likelihood of divorce? Community Tags engagment, marriage, wedding Discuss this article
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