Search Results for: blog living with engineers efficiency

Living with Engineers: It’s All in the Timing

Another engineer’s wife and I were having a discussion about household chores yesterday.  We were bemoaning the fact that if we want our husbands to do something for us, we either need to tell them right away, or it won’t happen at all. The engineer’s mind is a constant one-way track of processing information.  It’s what makes them so brilliant and efficient: they zero in on a task, giving it their complete focus until it’s done.  I’m almost always thinking about other things while I’m working on something, which is why it can take me longer to achieve something with … Continue reading →

Living with Engineers: Spouses, not Supervisors

Living with an engineer involves more than just having to hear the word “efficient” all of the time. A lot of engineers end up in management positions, and that means one thing: they’re bred to supervise. The word “efficient” does get bandied about, in how they think tasks ought to be accomplished. I already shared my story about measuring butter for baking, and how my husband felt about that. That’s not the only time something like that has happened. Sometimes, I find Jonathan trying to supervise me when we’re completing a project. To be fair, sometimes I ask for it. … Continue reading →

Living with Engineers: Tales of Efficiency

There are a lot of engineers out there in the world, and so there are a number of us married to them. Based on conversations I’ve had with other spouses of engineers, I’ve learned it’s not just me: it can be a unique, strange, and funny experience living with an engineer. The first thing you need to learn if you’re the husband or wife of an engineer is that your spouse will always think that their way of doing something, is the best way of doing it. The magic word is “efficient.” Learn it well, because you’ll be hearing it … Continue reading →

Finding Support from Your Friends

We’ve talked extensively about how important it is that we keep friends outside of our marriage.  And that doesn’t mean that we have friends who can’t also be friends with our spouses.  It just means that we look for emotional connections with more people than just our spouses.  I know it’s very true for me; my two best friends give me things my husband never could, and not just things like watching the six-hour BBC “Pride and Prejudice.” It’s a real romantic notion – both in the love and in the story sense of the word – that our spouses … Continue reading →

Generational Differences in Marriage Dynamics: Cooking

Due to all of my volunteering, I spend a lot of time each week with people who are more in my parents’ generation than mine. That’s normal enough; once we graduate and enter the work force, our pool of peers naturally expands beyond our age group. I have no problem with this most of the time, but once in a while I feel our generational difference, and that usually relates to our views on marriage. My friends don’t have extremely different views on marriage than me; they’re certainly not the types who think their husbands rule the roost. I don’t … Continue reading →

Is There Such a Thing as Too Nice?

Is there such a thing as being too nice? When we’re in a relationship with someone, particularly when we’re married, we learn the answer to that question: yes. It’s not necessarily that too much niceness is bad, but that what one person might interpret as nice isn’t so great for the other. A friend and I were talking about that today in relation to our husbands. She shared that one time, her husband managed to bring home a big chocolate cake on the first day she was starting a new diet, something he knew about. Another time he kept filling … Continue reading →

The Harmful “Him” vs. “Her”

I know that men and women think differently. My first impulse is to examine how much of that is natural and how much is a result of cultural conditioning, but that’s a study for another time, and really another blog. What I want to focus on today is the sort of “us” vs. “them” mentality that arises sometimes, and how that might affect marriages. I had to read “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus” for a high school health class. I found it abhorrent, and said as much in my paper on the book. I understand as much … Continue reading →

Making Birthdays Special – Or Not

Marriage, like most of life, is all about seeing things from someone else’s point of view. I’ve had to learn that Jonathan copes with things, especially arguments and emotions, much more slowly than I do. That’s not what I wanted to discuss today. What I wanted to discuss is how marriage can sometimes force you to see the world in an entirely new way. Sounds like I’m talking about something life changing, right? Not really, though it’s certainly hard for me to process. I’m talking about presents. Jon’s birthday is today, and for months I had no idea what to … Continue reading →