Just Because You Are You

by Mary Ann Romans | More from this Blogger

20 Jan 2009 05:06 PM

So many times when we are in the middle of our marriages we focus the shortcomings in ourselves and in our spouses. We look at the flabby middle, the graying hair, the fact that no matter how we try, we just can't learn to make a good casserole. We worry that with marriage comes familiarity leading to disinterest, or that we don't keep ourselves attractive enough.

How many times have you asked your spouse or has he asked you, "Why do you love me?" Have you been able to reply from the heart about all of the little things, the hair, the eyes, the way he laughs? While these characteristics can certainly be lovable, are they the true reason that love is there between you?

For me, the best answer is one that on the surface seems pretty lame. "Because you are you and I am me." The relationship just works. That is not to say that marriage doesn't require effort now and then, but isn't it nice to know that you were chosen for no other reason than the fact that you are who you are? And the person that you love loves you back?

One of my favorite Shakespearean Sonnets is Sonnet 130. Unlike the flowery language that you might expect from earlier sonnets, this poem about a love is rather insulting. It goes on to say how his mistress is not fair, how her hair resembles black wires and how her breath reeks. Just when you think any woman hearing or reading this would slap the author in the face at the very least, it turns around in the last couplet to basically say that since he is aware of all of her faults, his love is more true than any other. "You're not perfect baby, but I'm madly in love with you."

Mary Ann Romans writes about everything related to saving money in the Frugal Blog, creating a home in the Home Blog, caring for little ones in the Baby Blog and now relationships in the Marriage Blog. You can read more of her articles by clicking here.

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Learn more about Mary Ann Romans

Mary Ann Romans is a freelance writer, wife and mother of three children. She lives in Pennsylvania with her husband, the kids and a 16-pound cat.

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Tashi (1013) 21 Jan 2009 11:19 AM

So true, so true. I've been thinking along these lines lately, interestingly enough. While I'm not married, I am open to the idea of meeting a special man, who would accept me for *me*, and who will I accept for who *he* is. I totally understood where you were going with the reference to the Shakespearean sonnet, especially since I studied his work in college, and still enjoy it now. I care about people around me for who they are, not because of superficial things. Attraction is a funny thing, and one's personality and everything else can override anything you may think about physical attributes. You may just find yourself growing fond of them, anyway. A great gift doesn't always present itself in the shiniest paper and fanciest bows. :-)

Mary Ann Romans (26876) 21 Jan 2009 01:31 PM

Very well put! Thanks for the comment.