How to Catch Your Spouse

by Mary Ann Romans | More from this Blogger

05 Aug 2009 08:58 AM

There are numerous reality shows out there these days. One of them is called 
"Cheaters." The premise is that an entire camera crew and a host will help you catch your spouse right in the act of cheating. Ugh. I don't even want to know how this is called entertainment. But, catching your spouse can be good for your marriage.

The kind of catching I am talking about doesn't involve camera crews or even cheating. Did I lose your interest? I hope not, because the kind of catching I mean will make you a lot happier. It is catching your spouse doing something good.

You have heard of the parenting advice, I am sure, about catching your kids doing something good because positive reinforcement does a lot more to encourage good behavior than does punishment. But do we apply that same strategy to out spouses? I think we should.

Here are some ways that catching your spouse doing something good can make you happier and lead to less conflict. How about in the bedroom (or wherever you spend intimate time alone). If you praise your spouse for trying something new that feels good, he or she will probably try it again and be more adventurous in the long run.

Now let's take a 360 degree turn. Let us say that your spouse decides to take out the garbage without being asked. Even the simple act of telling him or her how much you appreciated it will make it more likely to happen again.

Okay, so we selfishly talked about our benefits when we catch our spouses doing good. But what about the benefit to our spouses as well? Don't we all need some praise and appreciation? And don't forget to reward your spouse with an even greater act of being good.

Last night we were down to the least savory of the leftovers. We needed to use them up, so we were all resolved to it. Because I was working on an article, my husband heated everything up and plated it all. He called us to dinner, and we all sat down. That is when I caught him. He had given me the best plate, taking a smaller cut for himself. What a great guy. it is too bad the camera crews weren't around.

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Learn more about Mary Ann Romans

Mary Ann Romans is a freelance writer, wife and mother of three children. She lives in Pennsylvania with her husband, the kids and a 16-pound cat.

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